


Whoever's In New England

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-16
Updated: 2011-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-24 16:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’d been around the world and back, with her parents and as an adult.  Emily never found another place that made her feel like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whoever's In New England

**Author's Note:**

> We can blame this on my watching too many “actress you like returns to home town” TV movies growing up. Well, that and once I get one AU rolling in the old noggin all the others want to come out and play. And who doesn’t love the possibility of a love quadrilateral with a side dish of Garcia? I know I do! All characters are from Criminal Minds over the past five seasons except for various family members that may be mentioned. The title is from the Reba McEntire song.

The truck, a refurbished silver blue 1982 Chevy C/K, pulled up in front of The Coffee Cup. Driving a little further down, she deftly maneuvered the huge Chevy into a parking space. She cut the engine and Hall and Oates coming from the speakers. Holding the car keys in her hand, Emily Prentiss took a deep breath. It had been too long and not long enough.

She slipped on her sunglasses, put the keys in her pocket, and climbed out of her truck. Front Street never changed, it was still postcard quaint. Penelope’s place had the most color, purple and yellow…it was a welcoming sight. Emily walked inside, the British modern rock taking her back to a completely different world. The place wasn’t packed but there were customers relaxing at tables and couches. Most of them were attached to laptops and cell phones.

There was a group of girls giggling in the corner that really took Emily back in time. They were much too young for excessive amounts of caffeine but Emily had been too. Back in the day when this was Clemmons Coffee Shop, she would spend time both before and after school here with her friends. They were all in such a rush to grow up. Surely they would’ve put on the brakes if they knew all that was coming. Both smiling and frowning, Emily approached the counter and looked up at the menu board.

“Excuse me, I need an extra large caffe latte with extra cinnamon and skim milk please.”

“Sure.” Penelope Garcia turned around. She almost screamed but Emily held her fingers to her lips. “Oh my God, its you.”

“It’s me.”

“You look fantastic.”

“So do you.”

Penelope was dressed in a lavender sundress with purple polka dots. She wore a pair of lavender high heels on her feet. Her hair, naturally blonde, and now red, was in pigtails. She went about whipping up the coffee, frowning when Emily went into her pocket.

“You better not be doing what I think you're doing.” Penelope said.

“Oh c'mon, I don’t need my coffee for free, Garcia. I drink a hell of a lot of coffee.”

“Some things never change. Let’s just say the first one is always on the house.” She handed Emily the cup. “I don’t think it’s fair that I can't jump up and down, scream, and tackle you. What gives?”

“I need to be incognito for a while.” Emily replied.

“Yeah, I see. I love the outfit, Peaches, I really do.”

Emily wore dark rinse jeans, Doc Martens boots, and an AC/DC Back in Black concert tee. She was wearing sunglasses, the Jackie O specials, and her hair was in two plaits. Garcia could admit the outfit was cool, but very unlike Emily Prentiss. Maybe it fit 1990s Prentiss but not the 21st century woman of the world she’d become. Of course she hadn’t seen her in a decade, except in pictures…she might have changed. Penelope just hoped she hadn’t changed too much.

“Thanks.” Emily smirked, sipping her coffee. “Is the apartment above this place still available?”

“Isn't it always? I try not to judge but when certain married men are trying to convince Kevin to charge half-price so they can have it as a shag pad, it really ticks me off.” Penelope rolled her eyes. “I just want someone nice and quiet up there.”

“How much is the rent?”

“I’ve been advertising it at $625 a month.”

Emily pulled a money clip from her pocket and pulled off countless hundred dollar bills. Garcia looked at her with wide eyes.

“Jesus…”

“This is 3 months rent. Don’t you dare say this money is no good here.”

“I want to but…”

“I can pay my way.” Emily replied.

“I know. You could probably pay the way of everyone in here. Let me just call Nathan so he can spruce the place up a bit. It hasn’t been occupied in almost a year, since Josh Beardsley left for Alaska. It probably looks like something out of the Bates Motel.” She picked up the phone. “I’ll just…”

“PG, I'm back.” Nathan walked into the coffee shop. He wore something that nearly resembled a smile. “Did you need me?”

“I bet you think you know I did.” Garcia replied.

“Huh?” Now Nathan’s smile seemed a little more real.

Emily couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The last time she saw Nathan Harris, he was six years old. He’d had a full head of tight brown curls and large, thunderous blue eyes. His eyes always conveyed sadness no matter what expression he wore on his face. Not that Nathan ever really wore expressions.

Emily couldn’t say he looked blank, that wasn’t true. He just looked as if he could see beyond their world. She knew that didn’t make sense but that was the only way she knew to describe it. Emily could admit, to herself, that the boy scared her a little.

He wasn’t dangerous but she feared there might be some truth to Penelope’s claim that he had the gift. Whenever she hugged him or touched him when he was a little boy, he read her thoughts or long buried memories. A six year old telling her about herself, her secret self, wasn’t an altogether pleasant experience.

“Do you know who this is kiddo?” Penelope asked.

“Of course I do.” Nathan held out his hand. “Why have you been away so long, Emily?”

“There are about a million answers to that question.” She couldn’t make herself take his hand. He eventually placed it back at his side. “I'm back for a little while though and I'm gonna stay upstairs.”

Nathan looked at Penelope for confirmation and the bubbly redhead nodded. He once again put on a half-smile.

“I’ll get it nice and clean for you. Do you want me to take your bags up?”

“Not right now.” Emily replied.

“Crack the windows, Nathan, air the place out.”

He nodded, heading toward the kitchen. He tripped over his untied shoelace and fell on the floor. The girls in the corner laughed, which made Penelope glare at them. Emily quickly helped him to your feet.

“Are you alright?” She asked, holding his arm.

“I'm fine, and you’ll be fine too. You'll get what you expect the least but want the most.”

She pulled away from him and grabbed her coffee cup from the counter. Emily looked at Penelope when Nathan was in the kitchen.

“I feel bad but that kid freaks me out.” She whispered.

“Nathan has always been different, from the day my mom and dad brought him home. Some of the kids are tough on him but Kevin and I always encourage him to love himself. Kevin tells him to embrace the strange…its not going anywhere. The biggest problem is the darkness.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the gift is two sides of the coin.” Penelope replied. “Nathan gets the good and the bad; he has to effectively deal with both sides. It’s like the kid in the Sixth Sense.”

“OK, I hope you didn’t think that was going to stop me from freaking out.” Emily took a deep breath. “Has a damn thing changed around here?”

“No, and most people like it that way. We could spend the night partying on the town like its 1999. What do you say?”

“I need to get my mind right first…just give me the weekend. I'm sure there will be too many questions and I need to think up some answers. By Monday I should be ready to walk down the streets like a normal person.

“You, Peaches, have never been normal. Do you want to wait at my place while Nathan spruces up the apartment?” Penelope asked, giving her the keys.

“Actually, there's someplace I need to go. I’ll be back later.”

“Well that’s the key to the front door and the apartment. The only other set is in a secure place, in a lockbox. You won't have to worry about any uninvited guests.”

“Thanks, Garcia. And I when I say give me the weekend that means everyone, including JJ.”

“We’re going out later. You know JJ and I don’t keep secrets. You and JJ don’t keep secrets either. What's going on?”

“I don’t want there to be secrets either. If you tell her just let her know I need the weekend.”

“Are you on the run from the mob…or the IRS?”

“That might be a little easier.” Emily smiled. “I’ll see you later.”

Penelope watched her go. Emily Prentiss was back after a decade. It had been 18 years since she left Newberry, New Hampshire for New York and Barnard College. Her life immediately turned into a whirlwind. Life hadn’t changed much in the small enclave where they all grew up but she wasn’t sure she would be able to say the same come Monday.

***

Her truck sat near a tree at the end of his driveway. Emily changed into a pink v-neck tee shirt and pulled the plaits from her hair. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror while she clawed her fingers through her raven hair and put on lip gloss. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, Emily knew it was now or never. In this neighborhood someone was bound to call the police upon sight of a suspicious truck on the road.

She got out of the truck and walked up the gravel driveway. The house was old but not in disrepair. Still, it could use a power wash, a fresh coat of paint, and a decent landscaper. Emily smirked thinking how her mother would rather die than let the Prentiss estate ever looked like that. Elizabeth Prentiss was just five houses away but that constituted nearly a half-mile in this part of town.

Emily rang the doorbell and waited. She was trying to think of something to say but there wasn’t much after all these years. Sometimes you just had to jump in and deal with the consequences. As long as it wasn’t head first Emily thought she might be OK.

“Can I help you?”

A young man answered the door. He was tall and lanky, stringy brown hair falling past his ears. He wore grey slacks and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. She had never seen him before and that was saying something in Newberry. Unfortunately, everyone knew everyone.

“Um, I'm looking for someone who used to live here…Jason Gideon.”

“He still lives here; come in.”

The young man held the rickety screen door open and Emily stepped into the foyer. Her senses were immediately filled with him. The woodsy scent, ginger, oranges, leather, paper, and tea…if she closed her eyes she was in his arms again.

“I'm Dr. Spencer Reid.” The man said.

“It’s nice to meet you. Is Jason here?”

“Yes. Who can I tell him is calling?”

“Please just tell him that an old friend is here. I want to surprise him.”

When she smiled so did he. His smile was sweet yet awkward; it actually reminded her of Nathan. He turned and headed toward the library. The house hadn’t changed much. There were still hardwood floors in the foyer and the living room though the furniture was different. It was still a little dusty, Emily hoped that never changed.

She remembered the first day they met, a few days after her 17th birthday. She was riding her bike from Sam’s house about four miles away. Right outside of Doc Seth Gideon’s place, her wheel hit a rock and fell off her bike. Jason heard her scream and came running. She was roughed up pretty bad; didn’t even try to stop them when the tears came. He scooped her up in his arms without a second thought and carried her into the house to see to her injuries.

Emily was enamored from the word go. She only became more so when she found out Jason was 33, had a PhD, and was teaching at Hampshire College in Manchester. He’d moved in with his Uncle for an easy commute and to help look after the aging lifelong bachelor. He’d been Newberry’s pediatrician for a billion years; had taken care of every stuffy nose, bellyache, and schoolyard scrape. He was trusted by parents and beloved by children.

His nephew, with his dark eyes and brooding countenance, became the Heathcliff to Emily’s Cathy. That’s how she thought if it back then. She had since dismissed the Bronte sisters as sentimental, fluffy garbage. He walked out of the library, with Spencer in tow, and looked at her. It took less than a moment for recognition to dawn on his face. He was older now but suddenly felt 30 again.

“Katya,”

“Hi.”

After a moment of time standing still, she rushed into his arms. Jason held her close and exhaled. Emily inhaled and was taken back in time. She gripped him tighter, felt the tingling all the way to the tips of her toes.

“What are you doing here?” Jason asked. He loosened his grip but she remained in his arms.

“It’s a long story.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me? Have you met Spencer?”

“Yes I have.”

Spencer smiled again. He excused himself and went upstairs. Emily’s eyes followed him but were soon back on Jason. He was smiling too, which made his whole face glow. He didn’t smile very often but when he did, it was contagious.

“I'm starving.” Emily said.

“I haven’t seen you in a decade and you want me to feed you?”

“Yes.”

“I thawed some venison for supper. Would you like it grilled and broiled?”

“Grilled please. Will Spencer be joining us?” She asked.

“He has a date tonight so no. Come, Katya.”

Emily smiled at the old term of endearment. She slid her hand in his and they walked through the rooms and into the large kitchen. It was hard for Jason to let her go. With them standing together it was if time never moved. It had though and he had no idea what she was doing there. Jason would tread carefully, something he’d never done where Emily Prentiss was concerned. Sometimes men did learn with age and time.

“Sit down. Can I get you a drink?”

“I would love a glass of wine.” She sat down at the table.

“I have a fantastic Riesling chilling. I remember that being your favorite.”

“Yes.”

Jason poured the drink and went about preparing dinner. He loved cooking; it was second in his heart only to teaching. When he cooked Jason felt free. He let his mind wander to all the thoughts he usually repressed…love, lust, sadness, pain and freedom. He turned on the satellite radio and the sounds of the Gershwin brothers filled the room.

The venison fillets, four of them, had been marinating for about 36 hours. He grabbed three potatoes from the pantry, put them in front of Emily with a bowl, and told her to peel. As he went out the sliding glass door and turned on the gas grill, she got to work.

“My mother is ill.” Emily said, handling her first potato as a surgeon would a patient.

“How ill?” Jason asked, putting the water on the stove to boil for the artichokes.

“I don't know; I haven’t seen her yet.”

“When did you get back to town?”

“I arrived a few hours ago. I went to Penelope’s first and asked if the apartment above the coffee shop was still free. Then I came here to see you.”

“You're not staying with your mother?”

“Absolutely not. I don’t know how long I’ll be here but I would like some semblance of sanity during my stay."

“Sanity in Newberry?” Jason smirked. “Good luck with that.”

“I don’t care about the whole town.” She replied. “Just myself.”

“People have been saying that about you for years.”

“Well that’s rather rude.” Emily put the first potato in a bowl and started on the second. She watched Jason salt the water and drop in two large artichokes. “Its not surprising but it is rude.”

“You’ve been gone for a decade, Emily.”

“So what? Is that some kind of betrayal?”

“Some people would say yes.”

“What would you say?” Emily stopped peeling and looked at him. It had been a long time since they were eye to eye but some things never changed. Jason wouldn’t lie to her, of that she was sure.

“I’d say that I missed you terribly.” He took the plate out on the deck and put the fillets on the grill.

Emily heard the sizzle; the smell immediately made her feel at home. Just when she truly believed everything had changed and she had no control over it, it was nice to know some things hadn’t. That’s what Emily needed to hold onto.

000

“So tell me everything.”

“What do you mean?”

It was a lovely night in early June so Jason set up dinner on the veranda. He used the good china and silverware. He and Emily’s first toast was to old friends and new opportunities. She could hardly stop complimenting the lovely meal. Jason was quick to tell her that she had helped.

“You’ve always been the town observer.” Emily said. “Who better to let me know what everyone is up to without bias?”

“I'm sure Penelope and Jennifer Jareau kept you informed about many happenings.” Jason replied. “I know you’ve kept up with them in some form. I asked Penelope about you after your husband passed away. I read about it in the New York Times.”

“That was kind of you.”

“I wanted to send condolences but it felt wrong somehow.”

“It’s never wrong to reach out to a friend.” Emily said, hardly believing the words as they came from her mouth. “I was so sorry to hear about Doc Seth too. He was an amazing guy.”

“That was nearly five years ago. He was 85 years old and loved every moment of his life. The town celebrated that and I was appreciative.”

“Where does Spencer come from, Jason? Is he also a relative?”

“Spencer teaches with me at Dartmouth. Well, he’s just a student teacher; he’s working on his third PhD.”

“What? He can't be more than twenty.”

“He’s twenty two. I've been beating back rumors that we are up to all kinds of homoerotic no-goodness behind these walls.”

“What?” Emily laughed. “Oh God, I can just imagine who got that train rolling. I'm sure you don’t dignify it with a response.”

“I don’t. I’ll be 50 next month so I'm quite secure in my sexuality. Spencer is young and he questions everything. I've seen him pine over Austin, the new assistant manager at Kate Joyner’s boutique. He’s taking her to dinner tonight. I also know he gets tongue tied whenever he’s in Nathan Harris’ company. He turns red whenever I ask about the young man.”

“Is Nathan still strange?”

“Yes. But he’s smart, charming, and was raised right. Everyone has demons but its how we let them guide us that matters. Still, I told Spencer to be mindful. When you're a teenager everything is the be-all, end-all. Spencer’s no more than a teenager himself so he understands.

“I saw your mother last week at a town hall meeting…she didn’t look ill to me. She was quite vocal about established chains coming into town and pushing out the locals. Those businesses have been around for generations. I agreed with her but Elizabeth Prentiss has never needed backup singers.”

“That’s for sure.” Emily grinned, peeling the skin of her artichoke and dipping it in melted butter. She’d eaten all over the world, twice, but Jason Gideon was still her favorite chef. “OK, c'mon, you know you want to…tell me everything.”

“What do you want to know, Katya?”

“Let’s start with Will LaMontagne. He’s married to my best friend and I don’t know a damn thing about him.”

“Is that my fault?”

Jason’s tone was playful but Emily wasn’t sure if he truly meant it. She’d been gone for a long time and sitting there right now she couldn’t figure out if that had been on purpose. She had a normal childhood; amazing people in her life. Something made her leave it at 18 and rarely come back for the second half of her life.

“He was displaced by Hurricane Katrina.” Jason said.

“New Hampshire is a hell of a long way from New Orleans.”

“I know.” Jason nodded. “He’s a detective so he came here for a job. There's not a lot of crime here but the county does see its share…drugs mostly.”

“How did he meet JJ?” Emily asked.

“She did a story on new people in town. She wanted to stem the tide before locals decided to label them something they’d never be able to shake.”

“She loves him?”

“I'm probably not the best person to answer that question.”

“Why not?”

“Jennifer Jareau and I aren’t friends. I'm not privy to her personal feelings. I know Will a little better; he’s a good man. He loves his wife and son though surely nothing is perfect.”

“What about Penelope and Kevin?” Emily asked.

“Emily, these are your best friends. If you want to know about them maybe you should ask. I think it’d be better for everyone involved, don’t you?”

Emily nodded though she didn’t quite feel that way. Still, she showed up on Jason’s doorstep out of the blue that night, he made her an amazing dinner, and she hadn’t even asked how he was doing.

“How are you, Jason?”

“Fine.” He wiped butter from his lips with a napkin.

“Are you still teaching?”

“I've been at Dartmouth for 12 years now and I still love it. Teaching fills every void in me…almost every void.”

“Are you seeing anyone?” She asked.

“No.” Jason shook his head. “I don’t share well with others. I think as we reach the prime of our lives it’s good that we know things about ourselves.”

“You’ve never had a problem sharing with me.”

“There are exceptions to every rule, Katya. You should know that by now.”

“Yes.” Emily nodded, focusing on her venison. “You’ve got to give me a piece of information about what's happening in town. I’d hate to believe that nothing’s changed in a decade.”

“Sam Kassmeyer is engaged to be married.”

“Oh my God, what?” She looked at him with wide brown eyes. “Sam Kassmeyer? My Sam?”

“Well I don’t think he’s been that for a long time.” Jason replied.

“I'm sorry, I…who is she? Is she wonderful, Jason; please tell me that she’s wonderful.”

“It’s Kate Joyner.”

“She’s not at all wonderful, oh my God. She’s evil, what the hell is Sam doing with her? What is she doing with him?”

Jason studied her as he ate dinner. Emily sipped her wine, waiting for an answer.

“There's speculation amongst the locals that Kate is marrying Sam for his money.” Jason said.

“Sam doesn’t have any money.”

“You’ve been gone a long time, Katya. Some things have changed.”

“Like what? Did Sam Kassmeyer win the Powerball?”

Jason sighed. He wasn’t quite in the mood to do this but he gave her the short version.

“I don’t know if you know but Mike Kassmeyer passed away three years ago.”

“Penelope told me when it happened.”

Emily wasn’t going to tell Jason that she sent Sam a condolence card when she hadn’t done the same when Doc Seth passed. She knew why she’d done it but it probably wouldn’t be easy to explain to him. She was still working it out in her own head.

“Mike died and it shocked the whole town. Sam really took it hard; he and his father were very close. After the funeral he and Sean got a call from a lawyer. It baffled Sam some. He knew his father owned the bowling alley but the Kassmeyers always lived modestly. Imagine his surprise when the lawyer came and gave him and his brother approximately $10 million apiece.”

“Are you serious? That’s a lot of money, Jason. Mike Kassmeyer had $20 million dollars sitting around? I know the bowling alley does well but…”

“Apparently Sam’s mother was from a well-to-do family. When she married her husband, her family disowned her. After she died in childbirth with Sean, her mother was so overcome with guilt, she supposedly took the money always intended for her daughter and started a trust fund for her grandsons.”

“They’ve been rich the whole time?” Emily asked.

“Mr. Kassmeyer left Sam a letter trying to explain himself. Sam loved his father and he doesn’t care about the money. Sean barely had it in his hands before he was off to the good life in Manhattan. Sam stayed in Newberry. He still lives in the same house on Peach Street and bowls on Thursday in the police league. The only difference is…”

“He drives a candy apple red vintage Ford Mustang.” Emily said.

“How did you know that?” Jason asked.

“That was always his dream. He talked about it all the time…he wanted to build it from the ground up.”

“That’s what he did. Paul Collins and Aaron Hotchner helped.”

“So where does the harpy come in?” She asked.

“Emily,” He held up his hands. “My gossiping days are over; they lasted one day too long. I'm serious; I don’t want to have this conversation. Can I refresh your drink?”

Emily nodded. She smiled as she held up her glass. She sipped the Riesling and tried to think of something to say. This wasn’t supposed to be awkward. Of course after a decade how could it be anything but? Emily was foolish to think there wouldn’t be walls and barbed wire to climb.

“Dance with me, Katya.” Jason stood, holding out his hand.

Yes, that was the perfect way to stop the buzzing in her brain. She needed to take a step back and exhale. There was time to do everything. It was Friday evening; no one wanted to feel heavy on Friday night. 18 years later and Emily still felt like she walked on the clouds when she was in Jason’s arms. She didn’t know the song, she didn’t care; it didn’t matter with him. Kissing him was as effortless as always.

“Katya…” Jason pulled away some but still held onto her.

“It’s just a kiss.”

“It’s not just a kiss. I think…”

Emily quieted him with another kiss. He pulled her close, surrendering and taking over at the same time. It was his weakness. Jason knew that about himself…she was his weakness. She always had been. It had been over 15 years since the last time they kissed but it felt like only a moment. A lovely, perfect, horrible moment.

***

“I'm thinking the drive of shame has the walk of shame beat by a mile, huh?”

Penelope put down a big bowl of coffee and sat down across from Emily. She was staring out the window at the drizzly late Saturday morning. The coffeehouse was packed but even without the sunglasses, no one seemed to notice Emily. This was where the young people hung out, and the cosmopolitan students who made the 15 mile trip from Hampshire College in Manchester for a weekend of peace.

“There was no shame in it.” Emily replied. “Anyway, how did you know?”

“Oh Peaches, don’t be silly. I know everything.”

“Mmm hmm.” Emily raised an eyebrow.

“Your truck was gone all night.” Garcia said.

“You did a drive-by?”

“Some of the local urchins have been vandalizing lately. I do sweeps to keep an eye on things.”

“Couldn’t you have Morgan do that for you?” Emily asked.

“He’s a busy man.”

“He’s never too busy for you. He better not ever be too busy for you. What's he doing now?”

“He’s still in the FBI. I heard a rumor that he’s considering a position in Quantico, Virginia at the behavioral place but he won't talk to me about it too much. He’s been discussing it with Gideon.”

“Why?”

“Who knows.” Penelope shrugged. “You know that man is an enigma, even for me. For years there have been whispers that he’s a CIA Agent living the life of a quiet professor.”

Emily laughed. She laughed so hard she snorted and coffee came out of her nose. That made Penelope laugh.

“Are you serious? Who started that rumor?”

“Who knows about these things? But think about it…he just showed up in town one day. Doc Seth took him around and introduced him as his nephew though he never mentioned having siblings before. Gideon moved in but never really became part of the community. He knows everything but tells nothing.

“He disappears for stretches, supposedly doing lectures. Not a soul alive knows his history. He’s unmarried, never gotten drunk to my knowledge, doesn’t have sex, present company excluded, and lives in the shadows at Doc Seth’s house. Hell, some people might not be able to describe him if asked to draw a picture. He is rather non-descript, don’t you think?”

“Not with his clothes off.” Emily said.

“Wow, TMI sweetums.” Garcia smiled. “You're the only person in this town who even knows a little bit about him. What’s his mother’s name?”

“Nora.”

“Where was he born?”

“He told me he was born in Chicago.”

“Does he have any siblings?” Garcia asked.

“I honestly don’t know. Maybe I don’t really know anything about him; maybe he is CIA. I could write an article about my secret CIA spy lover.”

“Whoa, your lover?”

“Back in the day, Penelope, not now.” Emily replied.

“So last night was just a trip down memory lane?”

Emily honestly didn’t know what it was. She hadn’t been with many men since her husband Gabriel died 18 months ago. Gabe had been sick so sex wasn’t exactly on the agenda for the last six months he was battling the cancer. After his death, even before, all kinds of men tried to lure Emily.

She turned most down without thought or question. The others could hardly say they got a piece of her. It didn’t matter…it was the piece they wanted most anyway. Last night with Jason she actually felt desire, lust, and excitement. It was a shock but it felt so good.

“I'm in the mood for an omelet.” She said instead of answering Garcia’s question. “Please tell me Brooks Diner is still open.”

“Of course it is. You know incognito will be out the window the second you walk through that door. Your mother will know you're back in town before the dinner bell.”

“I know, but I'm thinking my desire for an omelet trumps that. I’ll probably have some brunch and then head up to the house anyway. I should get the circus out of the way before it gets out of control. Is Jessie still running the diner?”

“Yeah,” Penelope nodded. “Your mother was the one who ranted and raved to the town council to keep both Bob Evans and IHOP from setting up shop in Newberry. She’s a big advocate for local business and she surely saved Jessie and the diner.”

“She fell in love with my father there.” Emily replied. “Every Sunday after church when she was growing up in Manchester, my grandparents would take her there. She met my father when she was 15. He was 19, home from Harvard for the summer and they started to secretly date.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“That story fascinated me as a little girl; it was such a whirlwind. Too bad it ended like it did.” Emily finished her coffee and stood. “Wanna join me?”

“I really hate the idea of turning down breakfast food but I can't leave Jordan and Anderson alone on a Saturday. She would kill him and I would have to explain it to his mother and the police.”

“I understand.”

“Oh, we have dinner plans tomorrow. One Sunday a month, Kevin, JJ, Will, and I go to McGill’s in Manchester for dinner. You're going to join us this week.”

“I don’t want to be a fifth wheel.” Emily replied.

“Look at my face, Peaches.”

“That’s your ‘I don’t care’ face.”

“Exactly. We’ll be leaving at 6:30 and it'll be fun. You need to properly meet our husbands.”

“I know. OK, tomorrow at 6:30; I got it. I'm off to get my omelet.”

Emily left the coffeehouse. It was drizzling but she didn’t mind; Brooks Diner had been on the corner pf Front Street since the beginning of time. She walked past the bookstore and the barber shop. Emily was shocked when she heard her name. She turned around, coming face to face to Sam Kassmeyer.

“Sam…”

“I can't believe I'm looking at you. Am I really looking at you?”

She nodded, running into his arms. Sam’s hugs were always the best. On the surface he hadn’t changed a bit. He was the same as he was at 26, the same size, the same smell, the same Sam. Of course she had no way of knowing his personality from a hug but the world truly wasn’t fair if Sam Kassmeyer had changed. Never had Emily felt so disconnected. When had she forgotten where she came from?

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I really wanted an omelet.” She said.

“What?” he laughed and sounded just like his father. Mike Kassmeyer had been through a lot. He lost his wife in childbirth, leaving him with an infant and a seven year old. Still, he was one of the sweetest and most jovial men Emily ever met. Everyone always said Sam would be just like him.

“We all know Brooks Diner has the best omelets in New England. They should put that sign on the door.”

“They don’t have omelets in Manhattan anymore?” Sam asked.

“They do, but they're not as good as Brooks Diner. Do you have some time? Will you have brunch with me?”

“Yeah.” Sam nodded.

They walked down to the diner together. It was crowded but Jessie got them a booth because Sam loved booths.

“You're too good to me, Jess.” He said.

“Well, I do what I can.” She said.

“And that’s plenty. I owe you one.”

“You just keep our community safe and that’s thanks enough. Oh, and take a look at my car…its still making that crazy noise. It’s good to see you again, Emily.”

“Hey Jessie.” Emily smiled.

“I was really sorry to hear about your husband.” Jessie said.

“Thank you. How's Haley doing?”

“I'm not entirely sure, I'm afraid.” Jessie put on a smile but it was tough. “You two figure out what you want and I’ll send Trish over to take your orders, OK?” She patted Sam’s shoulder.

“Sure thing; thanks Jess.”

“Did I say something wrong?” Emily asked when Jessie was out of earshot. “I surely didn’t mean to. Is Haley alright? My mother would’ve told me if something horrible happened.”

“She left town.” Sam said.

“Hotch and Haley left town?”

“No…just Haley. There were rumors that she was cheating on Hotch and then she just left one day. He came home to a note and she hasn’t been back since. Her parents were so ashamed and embarrassed by the whole thing. You know people around here can be relentless.”

“How long ago did that happen?”

“Almost two years ago.”

“Their son…” Emily couldn’t remember the little boy’s name and that upset her.

“Haley took Jack when she left but Hotch got a good lawyer. He got primary custody of him; he’s four now.”

“Is Hotch alright?”

Emily studied the menu and hoped she didn’t sound too invested in the answer. They'd all grown up and gone to school together. Hotch, Sam, JJ, Haley, Morgan, Kate, Penelope…there was a whole group of them. Hotch was one of the most beloved people in town. His father was in the State Senate before his sudden death in their senior year of high school. His mother was a patron of the arts and bastion of the community just like Elizabeth Prentiss.

The Hotchners were part of the whole Jupiter Circle, country club set. Aaron Hotchner was brilliant, cordial, athletic, and an all around good egg. He had been that way for his entire life. Emily first developed a crush on him at ten and it simmered for eight years to varying degrees until she left Newberry for New York the August after senior year. She never stood a chance because Hotch only had his eye on one girl…Haley Brooks. Apparently they didn’t live happily ever after. Did anyone?

Trish Davenport came over to their table. She greeted them with a smile and started on their neverending coffee cups. Trish was young, twenty, but Emily knew her father. Evan Davenport was a federal judge in Concord.

The family moved to Newberry when Trish and her twin sister Cheryl were just infants. Emily knew from her mother that Cheryl and Trish were both students at Adams College in Connecticut. It was a small, liberal arts girl school named after Abigail Adams. Elite New England daughters had been getting degrees there since the 1840s.

“What can I get for you guys?” She asked.

Blonde and bubbly, Emily thought she would make the perfect waitress on TV.

“I'm going to have the egg white omelet with potatoes, Canadian bacon, and cheddar cheese.”

“And you, Chief Kassmeyer?”

“The buttermilk pancakes with a side of bacon.” Sam handed her the menu. “Thanks Trish.”

She smiled as she walked away.

“I see you still eat like a growing teenage boy.” Sam said grinning.

“Gabe always said that. Well he said a growing boy but it’s pretty much the same thing. I have my mother’s metabolism…what can I say?”

“You can say why you're back after a decade. I'm thrilled to see you, I was afraid I never would again.”

“My mother says she's ill.” Emily replied. “I don't know if I believe her but she caught me at the right time.”

“How do you mean?”

“I needed to escape. A trip to the islands wasn’t going to do it. I didn’t want to go to London, Berlin, or Barcelona. I needed to be somewhere that I didn’t have to be on. I needed to be somewhere where memories of Gabe, or paparazzi, weren't lurking around every corner. I needed to be home.”

“You have been missed.” Sam said. “Truly.”

“I doubt that.” Emily sipped her coffee.

“Don’t.”

“I hear you're engaged to be married.” She may as well get her info straight from the horse’s mouth. “Tell me all about it.”

“Depending on whom you heard it from I'm sure you’ve already got one hell of a story.”

“Jason Gideon only mentioned it in passing when I asked about you. He told me that Kate Joyner was the lucky girl but not much else.”

“She is.” Sam smiled.

“So, tell me about it. If you're smiling like that then it has to be a big deal.”

“I don’t know about big deal.”

“What? Don’t you think it should be? You're getting married Sam…that’s forever and ever amen. Isn’t it?”

“Not if 50% of the population is to be believed. My father always said it was though. That’s why he never remarried after mom died. I just…jitters are normal right?”

“Absolutely. I had them; everyone does.”

“How did you know, Emily?” he asked. “How did you know that Gabriel was going to make you so happy?”

“I'm probably the wrong person to ask.” She said.

“Why?”

Brunch arrived and Emily gave Sam time to silently bless his food before answering his question.

“I don't know, Sam.”

“You loved your husband, right?”

Emily nodded, eating her omelet. It was just as good as she imagined it would be.

“I was still crazy when I married Gabe. I was living the New York It Girl life. I was modeling…it was all sex, drugs, and rock and roll. He was a rock in some very choppy waters.”

“So you got married for all the wrong reasons?” Sam asked.

“Yes. I don’t think I've ever said that aloud but surely no one has ever asked me before. Someone up there must really like me though because Gabe turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I fell in love backwards, after we got married, but I'm an exception not a rule. I wouldn’t recommend taking my road. I tend to like to make things hard when they shouldn’t be.”

“That’s not the Emily Prentiss I remember.”

“I'm not that girl anymore, Sam. I don’t even think I was when everyone thought they knew me so well.”

“Whoever thought they knew you well was one up on the rest of us. That doesn’t mean we didn’t love you.” He said.

“Thanks. I wish you and Kate all the best if she makes you happy.”

Sam nodded, slowly eating his pancakes. Emily knew that look; Sam wasn’t happy. But she wasn’t going to butt in. She promised Jason that she wouldn’t butt in. She had no right really, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone.

“How long will you be in town?” He asked.

“I'm not sure but I think I’ll stay for the summer. I can still work from here and make a few quick trips back to New York if I have to. I just need to spend some time reconnecting…getting back to me.”

“I’ll help if I can. You know I know Newberry like the back of my hand. Wherever you want to go, I can take you there.”

“I don’t want to get you in trouble with Kate. I know that’s silly but the two of us have always been like oil and water. I don’t want you in the middle of that.”

“Kate’s in Europe with some friends. She’ll be gone for about ten weeks. She said she wanted one last hurrah before settling down.”

Ten weeks traipsing around Europe was a hell of a hurrah, Emily thought. She wondered if the trip was on Sam’s new dime. It wasn’t as if her swanky boutique didn’t do good business. It had a prominent spot on Front Street.

She had clients from Manchester, Concord, and even Boston an hour away. Kate had expanded over the past 5 years so surely had some money of her own. Still, Emily knew from experience that no matter how much you had it was fun spending your husband’s. This was especially so when he had a lot and loved to indulge.

“Well I'm glad I'm here then.” She smiled. “We can keep each other company sometimes.”

“I would like that. I’d like it a lot.”

***

Sunday night after a very awkward dinner with her two best friends and their husbands, Emily drove to the house she grew up in. The Prentiss family had lived in the house on Jupiter Circle since 1979. Her mother picked it out when the young family returned from the Middle East where her father did diplomatic work. She still had her key so she used it, preferring not to call her mother ahead of time. If Elizabeth was being deceptive, catching her off guard was the way to go.

“Mother!” Her voice bellowed off the cold marble of the Prentiss foyer.

“Emily Katherine Prentiss, is that how people talk in Manhattan?” Elizabeth walked in from the library.

“Sometimes…usually on Saturdays.” She kissed her mother’s cheek. Their hug was uncomfortable but Emily did it anyway.

“In that case then I'm glad you're home. I heard you’ve been back in town since Friday.”

“I needed time, Mother.” Emily replied.

“Time for what?”

“I haven’t been home in a decade…I just needed time. You’re ill?”

“Wow, Emily, could your tone be anymore cold?”

“That wasn’t my intent. You called me home because you were ill. What's going on?”

“Come into the den, I was about to have some tea. There's enough for two.”

Walking back with her mother she realized there was a big difference between the house she grew up in and Old Doc Seth’s house down the road. She loved the dusty lived in place filled with knick-knacks and books. Here there wasn’t a speck of dust and it looked like the pages of a magazine. It had always been that way; Emily hated it. She’d rather stay in Penelope’s one bedroom apartment that was nearly claustrophobic.

Claustrophobia beat antiseptic by a mile. Emily sat down on the Queen Anne furniture, crossing her legs. She was dressed in a red sundress; she knew her mother would prefer her dressy. Emily pulled her hair up in a loose bun while she was in the truck. Elizabeth wore white linen pants and a black v-neck tee shirt. Her hair, the same raven color as her daughter’s, was cut just past her chin.

“What's happening with you?” Emily asked adding sugar cubes to her tea.

“I had a health scare.” Elizabeth replied.

“What happened?”

“It was heart arrhythmia. My doctor ran plenty of tests; I'm going to be alright.”

“Mother, you made it sound as if you were dying when we spoke on the phone.”

“I didn’t know I would be alright when I called you three weeks ago. It took you three weeks to get here, Emily. Not to mention two extra days because you needed time.”

“You know how busy my job is, Mother. I got here as soon as I could. Sometimes I can't drop everything and you know it.”

“Then you chose to keep me in the dark about your arrival.” Elizabeth added.

“Can we not do this? I'm here now and you're going to be alright.”

“It was a tense few weeks though. It was tough to get through alone.”

“Of course it was.” Emily squeezed her mother’s hand, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. “I'm glad that the news is good.”

They were quiet for a while, Emily sipping her tea.

“I think I'm going to stay for a while.” She said.

“Here?” Elizabeth perked up some.

“Well not in this house but in town I think.”

“There is plenty of room here…I don’t see why you can’t stay.”

“Because I'm a grown woman and I need my space, Mother.” Emily reasoned.

“That tiny apartment above Penelope Garcia’s coffee shop is not spacious.”

“Do you know how irksome it is that somehow you find out everything about my life? I'm allowed my privacy…I relish it as a matter of fact.”

“It’s a small town, darling; welcome home.”

Emily sighed. This was the part she did not miss. Even being famous in Manhattan, photographers following her sometimes and untruthful articles on Page Six, Emily still didn’t like the idea of people so close gossiping about her. She preferred distance; it didn’t matter when you didn’t know the people whispering about you.

“How's your father?” Elizabeth changed the subject. She hadn’t seen her daughter in 18 months, since her husband’s funeral.

“Daddy is fine. He and Natalie have been so helpful during all of this.”

“I can be helpful too, Emily. You haven’t reached out to me.”

“Reach out to you, Mother? My husband died…I shouldn’t have to do the reaching out. I'm here now so you won’t even have to go too far. You need to get out of this house and breathe some fresh air.”

“I get out a lot. I love this town and I show it as much as I can.”

“OK.” Emily stood. “I really need to go.”

“You just got here.” Elizabeth stood too.

“I know but it’s been a long weekend and I really need a good night’s sleep. We’ll talk again soon.”

“I know where to find you if I have to.”

“You’ve always known where to find me Mother.” Emily kissed her cheek.

“Goodnight.”

She rushed out of the house, feeling as if she needed a shower. Luckily it was raining so Emily stood outside of her truck for a while before climbing in. Once inside, she took several deep breaths and leaned her head back. She started the truck, coming out of the driveway, and driving half a mile down to another one. Tonight Jason answered his own front door.

“I just want to talk, Jason. Do you have some time to talk?”

He nodded, letting her in and closing the door behind her.

“I was actually just getting ready to retire for the night. You don’t mind talking in pajamas, do you?”

Emily shook her head and followed him upstairs. They both knew they would do more than talk. Why they couldn’t acknowledge it Emily had no idea. That didn’t mean it wasn’t going to happen.

***

“Remind me again how long it’s been since you’ve done this?”

“Oh God Sam, I don’t want to scare you. I can say this much…the last time was with you as well.”

“Well, when you do it Emily Prentiss you only want to do it with the best there is.”

They both laughed, Emily grabbing the shoes that Crazy Jane placed on the counter for her. She had been running the bowling alley since Mike Kassmeyer died suddenly three years ago. She was crazy, hence the moniker, but had always been rather harmless and nice to everyone. Her husband Frank, a local handyman, could not say the same. All the kids used to say he was a serial killer…Emily had said the same when she was in high school.

Frank had been a long distance truck driver for a long time. A delivery in Newberry had him meeting Jane and falling head over heels in love. He arrived in 1987 and never left. There were so many stories about the trail of bodies he left across the United States it bordered on ridiculous and surely slanderous. In Newberry he didn’t have as much as a traffic ticket.

Sam kept an eye on him but Frank was never anything but cordial. Well, cordial was the wrong word…you had to have a personality to be cordial. He was not a troublemaker. That was probably the nicest thing anyone in Newberry could say about him. That and he seemed to love Jane. She’d never even dated before he came on the scene.

“Sam…” Emily looked at Sam when he put a five dollar bill on the counter to pay for her shoe rental. Of course he had his own shoes and ball; bowling was something Sam Kassmeyer took very seriously. Jane took the five and gave him back two dollars.

“Thanks, Jane.” Sam smiled. “What? It’s not a date just because I paid for your shoes. Don’t give me that look.”

“I'm paying for the beer.” Emily replied.

“I hope you don’t expect to get any argument out of me.”

They walked over to the last lane. Both sat and put on their shoes.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Sam tied his shoes. “I invited a friend tonight.”

“Who?”

“Hotch.”

“Hotch…Aaron Hotchner?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “That’s alright, isn’t it?”

“The more the merrier.” She smiled. “Now I can lose to both of you.”

“I'm going to teach you to bowl if it’s the last thing I do.”

“And I'm going to like it?” Emily stood, putting her hands on her hips.

“Yes ma'am. Yes you will.” Sam stood as well. He bent over to get his bowling ball from the bag.

“Hey guys, sorry I'm late; did I miss anything?” Hotch came over carrying his bowling bag and wearing a smile.

“No.” Sam shook his head. “I guess you didn’t have time to change, huh?”

“I was running late.” He replied with a smirk. Sitting down, Hotch changed his shoes. “I actually went home to do just that but Jack wanted a bedtime story. By the time we were done I had just enough time to take off my tie and jacket. Sue me.”

“I can't sue you, you're my lawyer. Hey Hotch, you remember Emily Prentiss right?”

Hotch stood, wiping imaginary dust from his black dress slacks. He looked at her, the shadow of recognition dawning on his clean shaven face.

“Wow Emily, it’s been a while.” he held out his hand. “How are you?”

Ten years since he’s seen me and all he has is a handshake, Emily thought. They both ran in the popular kids’ crew in high school. His parents lived on Neptune Circle, just a half mile from her mother. They grew up together though Hotch was a year older and a grade ahead. She pined for him in one way or another since she was ten years old but so had many a female Newberry resident.

He was tall, with jet black hair and an athletic physique. Hotch had been an All-American baseball player at Newberry High School and at Duke University. There were whispers of him going into the majors but Hotch studied law just as his father had before him. He married Haley between college and law school and the newlyweds lived in Durham, North Carolina until he graduated. Then it was right back to Newberry.

A lot of people wanted him to run for public office but that had been his father’s world not his. Hotch seemed content practicing civil law at a prominent Manchester firm. Emily heard rumors that Haley always thought he could be more. She wondered how selfish a woman had to be not to want Aaron Hotchner just the way he was.

Well maybe minus the clothes. Aaron Hotchner without clothes had to be a sight to behold. Where had she been when Hotch fell for Haley? Their mothers were friends…it should've been her. Those were selfish teenage girl thoughts but Emily couldn’t help them.

“Hey, Hotch.” She shook his hand and smiled. “You look great.”

“So do you. New York is treating you well?”

“So-so.”

“Well I'm going to set us up.” Sam said, sitting down at the table. “You want to grab those beers, Em.” He looked at Hotch. “She insists since I paid for her shoe rental. All the spirits are on her tonight.”

“Good deal.” Hotch grinned and his dimples came out of their hiding place. “I’ll go with you to help carry them.”

“Thanks.”

They walked up to the concession counter where a young man Emily didn’t recognize was tending to the hotdogs.

“Hey, Adam.”

“Hi, Mr. Hotchner; what can I get you.”

“Three lagers…you can start a tab.”

“Sure.”

“He doesn’t look familiar to me.” Emily whispered when he walked away.

“He’s from Concord; had a troubled past there. He was looking for a fresh start so Sam gave him one here. Sam always gives people a second chance.”

“The lovely townspeople didn’t give him hell?”

“Sure they did, and they still do.” Hotch replied. “Adam keeps to himself. He hangs out with some of the other stoned kids; he and Tobias Hankel live together in a house over on West Peach Street. They do drugs, everyone knows it, but they're harmless. As long as he comes to work on time and conducts himself properly Sam doesn’t give him too much hell.”

“I remember Tobias’ dad wasn’t too harmless.” Emily said. “He was a real creep. What ever happened to him?”

“He’s in prison.”

“Well I feel better already.” Emily said. “He’s probably converting all the convicts.”

“Yeah, Raphael tells them to praise the Lord or die.”

They both laughed and then Hotch’s face turned solemn.

“I heard about your husband, Emily, and I'm sorry. Jason Gideon told me it was cancer.”

“Yeah,” She nodded. “Thank you. I heard about your wife…I'm sorry too.”

Adam put three beers in front of them before Hotch could say anything. He thanked him, grabbed two and headed back to the lanes. Emily sighed and grabbed the third.

000

“Are you going to help her?” Hotch whispered. “Please tell me you're going to help her. She’s adorable but really pitiful.”

“I truly want to but I can't.”

“Why not?”

“Are you guys talking about me?” Emily asked, sticking her fingers in the hot pink bowling ball Sam picked out for her. They both shook their heads and she stuck her tongue out at her, knowing better.

“It’s a good crowd tonight.” Sam whispered when her back was turned again. “One false move and Kate will get a call in London that I've been unfaithful with my high school sweetheart.”

“Only a fool would believe that.” Hotch replied.

“We've lived in this town a long time, Hotch. I love it here but a lot of fools live here.”

“Emily,” Hotch cleared his throat and stood up. “Let me help you.”

“I think I'm just hitting my stride, Hotch. The other rounds were just a warm up.”

She’d knocked down approximately 15 pins in 5 frames. Hotch had seen some bad bowling in his time but this took the cake.

“I’ll show you a guaranteed way to never have another gutter ball.” He said.

“Really? I don't think I can say no to that. OK, show me.”

“OK,” He stood behind her. “First, you should be rolling it, not flicking it. I've never seen anyone flick a bowling ball with the back of their wrist.”

“That’s how I do it, Hotch…that’s my secret weapon. I can't change my secret weapon.”

He laughed some and since he was standing so close to Emily she felt it in her belly. Hotch put his hands on her hips; instinctually leaned her body on his. It was a nice feeling.

“Stand up straight.” He spoke low in her ear. “You're going to focus on the floor. Do you see the arrows?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“You need to focus on the center arrow. Always aim for it.”

“Shouldn’t I aim for the pins?” She asked.

“It’s a trick of the eye, Emily. They're not what or where you think they are.”

“There's a Zen to bowling?” Her tone was cheeky.

“There's a Zen to everything, grasshopper.”

Emily laughed. Hotch did too and it took a moment for them to compose themselves.

“OK, let’s be serious here. Trust me, focus on the center arrow. Are you focusing?”

“Yes.”

“OK, focus; take a step, another step, one more step, pull back, and flick. Are you ready?”

“I'm ready.” Emily nodded.

She took a deep breath. Focusing on the center arrow, she took three steps forward, pulled her arm back, and flicked. She couldn’t believe it when six pins fell. Emily whooped, turning and throwing her arms around Hotch. She smiled at Sam.

“Did you see that, Sam? Did you see that?”

“I saw it. You have quite an excellent flick.”

“Woo! I'm hot stuff! Woo!” She squeezed Hotch and danced a little. He danced with her.

“Do you want to try for a spare?” Hotch asked. He was smiling too.

“What's a spare?”

“A strike is when you knock all the pins down in one roll. A spare is when you do it in two rolls.”

“Yeah, OK, let’s do that. I want a spare. Sam, I'm gonna get a spare.”

“You go girl.”

“OK, grab your ball.” Hotch told her.

Grinning, Emily rushed back and took it from the ball rack. Who knew bowling could be such a rush? She definitely needed to do it more often.

000

“I can't believe I broke 100 tonight. I have you to thank for that, Sam Kassmeyer.”

“Hotch did all the hard work.” Sam replied.

“It probably was really hard too. I'm the world’s worst bowler.”

“Surely not the world’s worst.” He smiled.

“The country’s?” She asked.

“New England’s.” Sam conceded.

“I can live with that.”

Emily laughed as they walked the four blocks from Kassmeyer Lanes to her apartment above the Coffee Cup. She’d been back in town for a week and already thought of the one bedroom as her own. Emily knew she couldn’t hide away there forever but with her laptop giving her access to the whole world she could pretend. She took hold of Sam’s arm as they walked.

“I'm sorry I've been away so long.” She said. She didn’t know why she said it but felt she needed to anyway.

“So am I. I can understand the desire to fly away. I left Newberry for six years but in the end I just wanted to be home. I wanted the oak trees, the lake, and Jessie’s food. I'm so glad I got to spend that time with my dad and my best friend. My mother’s spirit dances on the clouds of Newberry skies and I get to feel her presence everyday.”

“Oh Sam, that’s so wonderful.”

“My dad always told Sean and I that when we were growing up.”

“So Sean left for New York to be a chef?” Emily asked.

“After we got that money he was different. It was as if he finally got what he thought he deserved, you know? He couldn’t wait to leave town. Manchester and Boston weren't good enough anymore. I love him and wish him the best but that’s not my future. Personally, I want to toss the money into an incinerator.”

“I know you mean that.” she squeezed his arm.

“I do. The only thing it’s been good for is reconstruction on the church and helping Kate with her expansion last year. And of course, my Mustang. All men have that one thing that they have to have.”

“What did you name her? You always told me that every car that’s loved has a good name.”

“I could only think of one but it was inappropriate.” Sam replied.

“What?”

“Emily.”

“Oh. Damn.”

“I settled on Farrah since I used to dream of driving the girl in the poster around my Mustang when I was nine.”

“You are so cute.” Emily replied, laughing. She pulled out her key when she got to the door. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

“You're welcome. I'm working long hours this weekend so it was nice to have a little time off. Get some rest and I’ll see you around.”

“Definitely.”

The street was deserted. Sam knew the sidewalks, parking meters, and storefronts had eyes, but he didn’t care. He kissed Emily’s cheek.

“Goodnight, Emily.”

“Goodnight.”

She went inside, locking the first door and then the apartment door behind her. Changing into a pair of cotton pajamas pants and a tank top, Emily curled up on the couch. She found the 80s on her satellite boom box, pulled open her laptop, and began to type.

 _No matter what I always feel 15 and awkward again in Newberry town limits. Tonight was the first time I ever felt like me_ …

***

“What are we drinking to?” Penelope asked, holding up her shot glass.

“To friendship.” Emily replied, holding up her glass too.

“Friendship and short distances.” JJ held up her glass. “Down the hatch!”

They all drank the Sambuca. JJ shuddered and then laughed.

“Oh my God, that’s disgusting.”

“It’ll put some hair on your chest, Jareau.”

They all turned in the direction of the male voice. Emily grinned.

“Morgan!” she jumped out of the booth and into his arms. He held her tight.

“Damn girl, is Newberry contagious? It really has been too long.”

“I know, and I need to apologize.”

“Is there room here for two more?” Derek asked after he and Emily shared a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Two?” Garcia raised an eyebrow.

“Hi.” Hotch walked over with a pitcher a beer. “I come bearing gifts.”

“You can sit next to me.” Emily said, sliding back into the booth. Garcia and JJ were sitting together on the other side. Derek sat beside them while Hotch sat down next to Emily.

“What kind of beer is that?” JJ asked.

“Sam Adams.”

“I don’t want to mix liquor and beer.” Emily replied, sipping her rum and coke. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”

“So, where have you been in a decade?” Derek asked. “Oz?”

“Something like that. I really don’t think I was avoiding coming home. Well I guess I should say that I wasn’t avoiding you guys…never ever.”

“I understand. I still missed you like crazy.”

“I appreciate that Morgan.”

“I still owe you a rematch.” He replied.

“Oh my God,” Emily laughed. “That was what, 19 years ago?”

“And I pulled a hamstring.”

“No, you just got bested by a badass girl.”

“We can take the argument to the track, Prentiss. If you still got it, bring it.”

“I don’t know if I still got it but I can bring it all day long. Give me a time and a place, cowboy. I’ll bring it so much you won't know what to do with yourself.”

“Its on.” Derek grinned.

“Hey, I hear Quantico wants you.” Emily changed the subject.

“Gee, I wonder who told you that.” Morgan looked at Penelope and she smiled.

“Its something to be proud of, buttercup.” She reasoned.

“That’s what I keep trying to tell him.” Hotch said.

“I love Boston. I'm in line to be the Unit Chief next year or the year after. I admit there is an interest in the BAU, but…”

“What's the BAU?” Emily asked.

“The Behavioral Analysis Unit; I would be like Clarice Starling.”

“Holy hell, that’s awesome.” Her mind went back to Sam. That was one of the last movies they saw together. She spent most of it with her head buried in his shoulder. That didn’t bother him one bit.

“It’s interesting.” Derek admitted.

“So what's stopping you?” JJ asked.

“Home is where my heart is, honestly. I know it’s a big opportunity and David Rossi is really wooing me but…it’s a big decision. All the people I love are here. I'm not sure I want to be out there with no support system. Quantico is far away.”

“You would be so missed.” Penelope reached for his hand.

The music from the PA system faded and a voice came over the speakers.

“Its karaoke time, folks. We’re gonna have to start this night off right and welcome home Emily Prentiss. Hey Em!”

“Oh Paul.” She rolled her eyes. Paul Collins was one of her friends from high school too. He went into the army after graduation, just missing the Gulf War. Recently he’d done two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. The town was glad to have him home for good in one piece and helping his brother run their bar, The Elbow. It was where everyone their age came for a drink or a good time.

“Come on up here and sing a song for us.” He said.

“Absolutely not!” Emily shook her head.

“She says no you guys. I think we should change her mind, don’t you?”

Everyone started cheering and Emily covered her eyes.

“Oh c'mon, Em,” JJ said. “You’ve always had an amazing voice.”

“And we've always had a blast doing karaoke.” Penelope added.

“I haven’t done it in about 15 years.”

“I bet you still remember how fun it was.” JJ replied.

“I used to be fearless.” Emily said.

“Used to?” Derek asked.

“That’s what I said. I think it was the drugs.”

“If you do it, I’ll go up there with you.” Hotch said.

“What?” Emily looked at him and so did everyone else in the booth.

Morgan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Aaron Hotchner had spent his entire life, despite so many epic feats of awesomeness, diverting attention away from himself. Maybe he did that through epic feats of awesomeness. There weren't too many people who knew the real Hotch. Nothing was more the opposite of his way of life than to go stand on a makeshift stage with a woman returning to town after a decade away.

“I'm not going to sing.” Hotch was adamant. “I’ll just hold your hand…be a source of support.”

“Alright.” Emily nodded. “I’ll do it.”

Emily sighed as she and Hotch stood from the booth. Everyone cheered when they walked up onstage. Paul handed her a microphone.

“Is this a duet?” He asked quietly.

“Absolutely not.” Hotch replied. “I'm the moral support.”

“Uh huh. What do you want to sing, Emily?”

“Do you have Celine Dion, _That’s the Way It Is_?” She asked.

“Yes, I do. Everybody give it up for Emily!”

There was more applause as she held the microphone to her mouth. She really wished she’d had more to drink. This was definitely the first time she was doing karaoke sober.

“This song is for Gabe.” She said. “He was a really big fan.”

The music started and she knew it was time to sing. Emily closed her eyes, squeezing Hotch’s hand.

 _I can read your mind, and I know your story_  
I see what you're going through, yeah  
It’s an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry  
But I know it will come to you, yeah  
No surrender, cuz you can win  
In this thing called love  
When you want it the most there's no easy way out  
When you're ready to go and your heart’s left in doubt  
Don’t give up on your faith; love comes to those who believe it  
And that’s the way it is

“I had forgotten she could sing.” Derek said.

“It’s not hard to forget,” Penelope replied. “We haven’t seen her in a decade.”

“What was that about? Why did she stay away so long?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” JJ shrugged. “All I can think is she was living her life, time moving faster than she could keep up. She always called but never came home.”

“OK, then why is she back now?” Derek asked. “Not that I'm complaining…I missed her.”

“JJ, you’ve got to get pictures of this.” Garcia grabbed her arm. “Hotch looks like he might barf; it’s fantastic.”

“It looks like he’s the one who needs the support.” Derek smirked.

When the song was over and the applause died down, Hotch and Emily made their way back to their friends.

“I'm sorry.” He said.

“For what, Hotch? I wouldn’t even have gone up there without your offer of support. I appreciate it.”

“My hands were sweating.” He wiped them on his black slacks. He was dressed similarly to how he was when they went bowling the night before.

“I hardly noticed as mine was too.”

Hotch looked at her and smiled. It was a real smile because his dimples poked holes in his cheeks. Aaron Hotchner’s dimples used to make all the girls swoon; it still worked on at least one.

“I say we do another shot.” Penelope said. “How does that sound?”

They all agreed and Morgan flagged a barmaid.

***

_I could’ve danced all night, even with the liquor coursing through my veins. I know that I could’ve, I had such fun. I can't think back to the last time I had such fun. Gabe was sick for about six months and then he died. That was eighteen months ago. Two years and our life of fun together is a blur._

_My shrink said it will come back to me. The time will come and memories of Gabe will bring joy instead of sorrow. When will that be? If he were here I wouldn’t be in Newberry. I’d be touring the world as he played the cello._

_I’d be holed up in the study working on things for the magazine. I’d be attending parties, which aren’t as fun as they used to be…schmoozing with people we’d laugh about later. I surely wouldn’t be bowling or singing karaoke. I wouldn’t take long walks down tranquil streets or try to rebuild some kind of relationship with my mother._

_But that’s not his fault. Gabe never asked me to give up anything. It was the opposite in fact; he wanted me to have it all. Why did I have to lose him to wake up and try to find myself? I know I can't have everything I want._

_Hell, I'm not even sure what I want. I do know that I can't have Gabe and the things I'm finding here again; he’s already gone. I already feel different than I did when I crossed the state line into New Hampshire. The game is changing and I'm struggling to make sure I have all the pieces I need to keep playing._

Emily looked up when she heard the knock on the door. She saved her work, closed her laptop, and got up from the couch. Checking through the peephole, it was who she thought it would be. Emily opened the door.

“Hi Nathan.” She wanted to smile but didn’t quite make it. This was hard enough as it was.

“PG said you needed to see me. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his faded blue jeans. “Is everything OK?”

“Yeah, come on in.”

He did, standing awkwardly by the bookshelves. His eyes were on his dusty sneakers. Looking at Emily seemed to be difficult.

“Sit down, Nathan.”

Emily sat on the couch where she’d been typing and Nathan sat in the chair. He put his hands in his lap.

“I just wanted to ask a few questions, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Um…no.”

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” She said.

“No, I'm OK.” Nathan cleared his throat.

“Good. I don’t know much about your…”

“Gift.” He said. “PG always calls it a gift.”

“Right, your gift; I don’t know much about it. I know its something that challenges you everyday. I also know that every time I hugged or touched you as a child, you felt something.”

“It doesn’t happen all the time.” Nathan replied. “Have you ever seen _The Dead Zone_?”

“The TV show or the movie?” Emily asked.

“The TV show.”

“I'm a child of the 80s Nathan, which means I'm an Anthony Michael Hall fan. Venture a guess.”

“Right,” He almost smiled. “Well it’s like that. Sometimes I feel things from people and sometimes I don’t. I can't turn it on or off. If I could I would leave it off.”

Emily nodded. She understood that and sympathized. Being a teenager was hard enough. If you were a teenager in a small town and you were different…life escalated to hell on Earth. With all the explosions of teenage rage and angst seen on the 24 hour cable news channels at least a few times a week, you'd think people would learn to treat each other better.

No such luck. Of course Emily was being a total hypocrite; she hardly wanted to be in Nathan’s presence. Now she wanted something and was trying to find a way to ask. If she wasn’t desperate for some kind of answers she would take a few minutes to think, chastise herself, and move on.

“I've been struggling recently, Nathan.” She said.

“PG told me that your husband died.”

“Yeah, he did. It’s been almost two years and I'm still working on getting on top again. I'm back home to get my priorities in order and that makes me happy. There's also uncertainty.”

“I understand.” He replied.

“Could you try to help me…with your gift?”

“No.” Nathan shook his head.

“What?”

“You can't turn back once you know, Emily. Good, bad, or apocalyptic, you can't turn back from it. You think I don’t sense…no, I know that I freak you out. I wish I could do something about it but I can’t. I can make sure that I don’t do anything to further help it along.”

“Nathan…”

“No.” He was even more adamant. He didn’t want to be mad; he had always loved Emily so much. He didn’t know why but he felt an attachment to her. And she didn’t even want to touch him. Now she asked him to do something that was irreversible. It was a selfish thing to want and to ask. “I want to say I really wish I could help you but I don’t. I need to stay out of it. I'm sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Emily smiled sadly. “I probably shouldn’t have asked you. Thank you for having the confidence to tell me no.”

“OK.” He put his hands in his pockets again.

“Well, since you came all the way up here and dealt with me making an ass of myself, can I ask you another favor?”

“Sure.”

“I dropped my earring behind the bookshelf the other night but I couldn’t move it on my own. I took all the books off…you think you can help me?”

“I can do that.”

They moved over to the bookshelf in the corner by the window. Nathan took one side and Emily the other.

“On three,” He said. “One, two, three…”

Two were definitely better than one. They moved the bookshelf with relative ease.

“Do you see it, Nathan?” Emily asked.

“Yeah; I got it.”

He reached down to pick up the earring. As soon as it was in his palm, Nathan groaned. He faltered a bit as he tried to stand up and held onto the bookshelf for support. He dropped the earring as if it were on fire.

“Nathan, are you OK?”

Emily came over to him. He backed up, hitting the wall. He held his hands out to keep her at bay. Emily stayed back.

“Nathan…”

“He wanted to buy you one last gift. He loved you so much, knew that feeling couldn’t be bought, but you loved pretty things. He knew he was dying, he knew he had to leave you and earrings wouldn’t bring you comfort. They would make you smile today and he needed that because there weren't going to be many smiles in the future. He’s sorry he kept the secret for so long. It's gonna hurt him so much to tell you the truth.”

Emily’s breath caught in her throat. She turned away from Nathan, wasn’t sure if she was about to burst into tears. Maybe him reading her future, or whatever it was he really did, was a very bad idea. A sob came from her throat; Emily fought with all her might to hold back the flood of tears.

“I'm sorry, Emily. I'm really, really sorry.”

Nathan rushed to the door and ran out of it. Emily stood in the middle of the small living room trying to compose herself. She finally managed to push the emotions back. Her head started to hurt, her stomach dropped, and her heart beat too fast. Moving over to the couch, Emily grabbed her laptop. She opened it, did a page break, and quickly typed.

_I don’t know what the hell I was even thinking. All I know is its not the first time I had and executed a really bad idea. That’s not bringing me any comfort at the moment. I'm sure its not doing much for Nathan either._

***

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you asleep?”

“No, I'm just thinking. What did you say?”

“Can I ask you something?” Emily repeated.

“You can ask me anything you want.” Jason replied, kissing her bare shoulder.

Emily smiled. They were lying in bed, spooning after quite a rigorous round of lovemaking. At 50 Jason Gideon didn’t seem in any danger of slowing down. Emily wondered if he’d had many lovers in the past decade she was gone…skills like his needed to be honed and practiced. That wasn’t the question in the forefront of her mind though.

“Is there a possibility that you are, or once were, in the CIA?”

Jason laughed and the jubilant sound made fireworks in Emily’s belly. Trying to think back, she wasn’t sure she’d ever heard him laugh. She’d seen him smile a few times…Jason usually wore a neutral face, or solemn, much like Nathan Harris. She wondered if he had the gift as well.

“And which one of the lovely townspeople put that idea in your head?”

“No one needs to put ideas in my head; it wasn’t like that. Jason, Penelope and I were just talking.”

“Alright.”

“So…?” Emily pressed.

“No, Emily, I'm not in the CIA.”

“It’s just that…oh now it seems silly.”

“Why don’t you tell me anyway?” Jason asked.

Emily turned on her back, Jason hovering over her. He stroked his fingers through her raven hair.

“Well you just showed up one day. Doc Seth told everyone you were his nephew but he hadn’t mentioned having any siblings in the past. You’ve lived in Newberry for nearly 20 years but never fully integrated yourself into the community. Don’t worry, that’s my favorite part about you. People can be a real pain but you live in virtual seclusion, Jason.

“You don’t date or do anything remotely scandalous, except the Spencer thing. But that’s just scandalous because you're so enigmatic. No one knows a damn thing about you. Oh and there have been times when you go away for stretches of time without explanation.”

Jason pondered everything she said. He pondered it as he kissed her. He pondered it some more while he stroked her body under the sheet.

“You know, when you put it all together that way, the speculation is entirely plausible.”

“See? It wasn’t as if Penelope wasn’t going to put some real thought into it.” Emily slipped her arms around his neck, bringing her body even closer to hers. “It’s not that far-fetched.”

“Oh no, Katya, it’s pretty far-fetched. I think you just have this ability to make me believe things.”

“Like what?” She asked.

“Like this bliss.” Jason replied.

“This is real, Jason.”

“Possibly.” He conceded. “It’s real but it’s temporary.”

“I want to know something about you.” Emily said, changing the subject. He was right, he was always right about this, but she didn’t want to talk about it just yet.

“What?”

“Tell me about your family.”

“My parents are dead; they died when I was in my 20s. Uncle Seth was the only family I had left because my mother was an only child. When I got the position at Hampshire College he invited me to live here in Newberry with him. He had no children of his own and was getting older. He needed some help around here so I took him up on his offer. My teaching position was only 35 miles away so the stars were aligned for both of us. I loved my Uncle so much and really appreciated the 15 years we had together.”

“Where do you go when you disappear?” She asked.

“I don’t disappear, I just love to travel. I want to see the entire world and my teaching schedule does allow me the luxury of time. I also lecture and speak around the world. You know I've written six books.”

“I only knew of two.”

“Well, there you go…you just learned something new about me.” Jason kissed her nose.

“Then why was Derek Morgan talking to you about the Behavioral Analysis Unit?” Emily asked. “I promise that will be the last question.”

“I told you that you can ask me whatever you want. I have no intention of going back on my word.”

“Why were you talking to Derek?”

“He wanted an objective opinion. He wanted to express himself wholly, freely, and with no worry of every soul in the community scrutinizing his thoughts.”

Emily nodded, understanding. That was exactly why she talked to Jason as well. Well, that and a whole lot of teenage lust.

“May I ask a question now?”

“Yes.” Emily nodded.

“What kept you away for ten years?”

“I'm not entirely sure. I know when I left for college I was so glad to be gone. I thought I was finally free. Yet I still came home in the summer and on some holidays. I think I was just so busy living my life that I looked up and a lot of years had gone by. And then maybe I thought I wanted to make some changes but Gabe got sick and I had to brush everything aside for that.

“After he died I was just doing what I needed to do to get from one day to the next. Then I thought about it. We had so many friends; were the nucleus of a very busy circle. When he died no one could console me. They tried, they really tried everything, but as soon as he was gone so was the connection to many of our friends. I needed to be connected again…I needed the people who loved me no matter what.”

“It took 18 months and your mother falling ill for you to come back.” Jason replied.

“I still have work and obligations in Manhattan. I got away as soon as I could. I talked myself out of coming to Newberry so many times since I lost Gabe. I thought I was pining for something that wasn’t really there and I was just fooling myself. My mother’s call was the opportunity I’d been looking for.” Emily said.

“Is your mother alright?”

“I honestly think she was faking. If she ever decided to give up being an upstanding member of this community, she might be able to add Academy Award-winning actress to her repertoire.”

“Maybe she did the only thing she knew to do so that you would come home.” Jason reasoned.

“It worked. And I'm glad I'm here.”

“So am I, even if it’s fleeting.”

“Jason…”

“Shh,” Jason quieted her with a kiss. “We've talked enough for now, Katya.”

She let the conversation drop and surrendered her body again. That was probably for the better anyway. There was so much to say, ten years worth and maybe more, to a bunch of different people. Emily would face it all eventually…sooner rather than later. Still, in Jason’s arms, being possessed by him; it was quite easy to push it to the back of her mind.

***

_There have been five men in my life. No, I didn’t say I’ve only slept with five men; there is no point in lying. There have been five men in my life and four of then trace right back to the place I grew up. Three of them I've known my entire life, one I met right before I ran. The fifth was my husband, who though he only knew one of the others, seemed to encompass them all. He’s gone and four remain._

_One of them is my father, whom I will always love and cherish. The other three…it’s a long story. They have things that make them alike even if they appear so different on the surface. Maybe I'm the only thing that makes them alike, I don’t know. I would love to be a fly on the wall for a conversation between them._

_Two are best friends and the third may not have any friends at all. OK, I think my life just became a movie of the week. Maybe that actually happened three weeks ago. Even I'm late to the game…how do you like that?_

“Nathan is really sorry he upset you the other night.” Penelope sat across from Emily and gave her a large mug of coffee.

Emily didn’t think drinking it was the best idea; it would be her third of the day. She did anyway and made a note that it would be her last. Maybe.

“He told you about that?”

“Not really. He was just so jittery so I sat him down and asked him what was wrong. He told me that he though he upset you and that upset him.”

“Penelope, it was all my fault.” Emily said.

“What happened?” She asked.

“I made an ass of myself and put Nathan in a precarious position. I wanted him to read my palm…so to speak.”

“Oh Peaches…”

“You don’t have to tell me what a stupid idea it was. I already know and I've been kicking myself since I did it. I just hope he doesn’t hate me.”

“Of course he doesn’t. Nathan doesn’t hate anyone, least of all you. Did he do what you asked?”

“He said no; actually I'm glad he did. So I asked him to help me move the bookshelf to get my earring. It was heavier than it looked.”

“Would you believe Kevin and I got the wood furniture at this great consignment shop in Manchester? It was a fabulous price.” Penelope raved. “Oh, I'm sorry, go on.”

“Nathan and I moved the bookshelf and he picked up the earring…”

“And he felt something?”

Emily nodded, telling Garcia word for word the thoughts of her late husband. She didn’t think she would forget those words for as long as she lived.

“Peaches, I know exactly what you're feeling.” Penelope reached for her hand. “You didn’t know whether to be ecstatic or burst into tears.”

“I didn’t feel the ecstatic part. Apparently, Gabe bought the damn earrings to cushion the blow that he was dying. Only a man would be that clueless. It just made me see what a horrible thing it is for Nathan to go through as well. I was being selfish and I'm glad he turned me down. He has nothing to worry about…I'm not upset with him.”

“He’ll be very happy to hear that. Nathan has always loved you to bits. I don’t know why that is and he would never really admit it, most likely because he doesn’t understand it either. Every since he was a little boy he’s had a connection to you.”

“I have a feeling he’s over me and loves Spencer Reid to bits.” Emily replied. “Have you noticed how much time those two spend together?”

“Dr. Reid is the most adorable guy ever.” Penelope said with a grin. “I can't say for sure what's happening, and believe me I've done some investigating. Nathan is almost 17 and Kevin has had the talk with him. We’re both trying to go with the flow and…ooh!”

“What?”

“I’ll invite Reid to the party and see what happens. Oh yes, yes, that is such a brilliant idea. How do I come up with them all?”

“What party?” Emily asked. She smiled at Garcia’s ebullience. She could always take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile.

“I'm so glad you asked. I'm throwing you a welcome home party next weekend.”

“You don’t have to do that, Garcia.”

“I know I don’t have to, I want to. You’re still in your shell and don’t want too much attention but it’s been too long since we’ve all been together. What better reason to get together than the return of Peaches? I've already emailed the invitations and Kevin is working on the menu. Despite some of the questionable things the boy insists on putting into his stomach, his chicken quesadillas are a dream.”

“Who did you invite?” Emily asked.

“It’s a surprise but I promise it'll be a good one. It's gonna be more fun than you’ve had in quite a while.”

That wouldn’t take much considering the past 18 months. Emily tried to smile but she felt a little wary. She was glad for the opportunity to spend some time with friends, but she was not a surprise person. She remembered how much she grew to love them with Gabe…she grew to love everything with him. Thinking of Nathan’s words made her solemn again. How grateful was she that he turned down what she was asking of him? Emily didn’t know what she was thinking; it was a bad idea all the way around.

“Just make sure we have plenty of liquor, Penelope.”

“Hello, I said it was a party didn’t I? I'm planning a night none of us will forget anytime soon.”

***

Emily didn’t know what was going on and she’s already gotten disoriented and lost in the maze of a hospital. While part of her felt like screaming, she pushed that feeling aside. Instead, she stopped, leaned on the wall, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She hated hospitals; had always hated hospitals. When she had two of her three miscarriages and had to stay overnight, Emily cried herself to sleep.

They were supposed to be about life, health and nurturing, but she could only associate them with death. Gabe’s last four weeks were spent in a private room at Memorial Sloan-Kettering. They couldn’t do much more than keep him comfortable. Emily spent most of the time alternating between pacing and dreading. It was a nightmare and she promised herself that the next time she came into a hospital; it would be on a gurney. Emily was not comforted by the fact that this wasn’t the first promise she broke to herself.

“Are you alright? Do you need something?”

Emily slowly opened her eyes when she felt the warm and gentle hand fall on her shoulder. A man with a white coat and a concerned look stood in front of her. He was attractive with salt and pepper hair and friendly brown eyes.

“Are you alright?” He asked again.

“Actually, I'm a little turned around.” She replied. “I just got a phone call that my mother was admitted and I need to find her. I really hate hospitals…I just want to find my mother.”

“I can help you.”

“Thank you.”

Emily managed a small smile. She followed him to the nurses’ station. Emily told him her mother’s name and listened to him speak to the nurse. She liked his voice, it was friendly and soothing, as a doctor’s should be, there was also a hint of playfulness in it as well that wasn’t inappropriate; it was just what was needed.

“She's on the seventh floor, Room 722.” He said.

“I truly appreciate it, Dr…”

“Tom Barton; I'm Dr. Tom Barton. I'm a cardiologist.”

“I swear I'm usually more together than this. I just…”

“Hospitals freak out even the most rational people.” He reasoned. “I'm sure you're concerned about your mother. Go up and see her…I hope she’s alright.”

“Thank you. Oh, where is the elevator?”

“You walk straight down, through the door, and it’s on the right.”

Emily nodded, thanking him once more before going to the elevator. As she rode up, a million scenarios went through her mind. She had no idea what happened that afternoon, only that her mother had an incident. Elizabeth was in a school board meeting when she complained of nausea and chest pains. When she stood to excuse herself, she became lightheaded and nearly passed out.

Her faithful executive assistant Martha called 911 and within five minutes an ambulance arrived to take her to Catholic Medical Center in Manchester. Emily knew this was one of the best cardiology hospitals in New England. If this had been something minor wouldn’t they have just taken her to St. Michael’s in Hillsborough County? That hospital was only eight miles away from Newberry and CMC was nearly 30.

Emily found the room easily. She walked in unsure what to expect but found her mother resting comfortably in bed. It looked like Elizabeth was asleep so Emily sat down in the chair by the bed. She took gentle hold of her mother’s hand, touched her wrist, and then checked her pulse. It was something she did with Gabe all the time…she would never forget the day she didn’t feel anything.

“Am I dead?” Elizabeth’s voice was drowsy.

“That’s not funny, Mother. What happened?”

“I thought I was having a heart attack.”

“You told me that you were fine.” Emily replied. “If you weren't then why would you say it? Why did you lie to me?”

“I felt like you didn’t care. I told you what I thought you wanted to hear.”

Emily dropped her mother’s hand. She got up from the chair and went over to the large picture window. Two days before Independence Day and the New Hampshire skies were grey and overcast.

“I can't believe you'd even think something like that. What the hell, Mother; what the hell is that? If something is wrong I want to know. What else are you keeping from me?”

“Nothing.” Elizabeth spoke quietly.

“Mother…”

“I don't know, Emily. There's been a battery of tests but…no definitive answers yet.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me? You call me, tell me you're ill, I come home, and you just lie to me. I don’t understand you.” Emily wanted to say she never understood her mother but she kept it to herself. Surely the feeling was mutual.

“I didn’t know what was wrong. I thought the more vague I was, the better darling. There was no need to worry you about nothing.”

“The heart arrhythmia story was a lie?” Emily asked.

“No. My doctor did tell me that my heartbeat was too fast the last time I went in for a checkup. I'm sorry Emily, I'm sorry I wasn’t honest but we have to move on from that. Obviously something is wrong and I need to be ready to face whatever it is.”

Emily nodded, though she honestly wanted to choke the woman. It was funny how she never wanted to move on from the “mistakes” Emily made but quickly wanted to shut this down. It was important to her that Elizabeth be properly diagnosed and taken care of. They would deal with everything else after her health stabilized.

“I need a smoke.” She mumbled.

“Smoking is bad for you. I've been telling you that for 20 years.”

“Guess what's not going to happen today, Mother? We’re not going to argue about my cloves. I was worried sick when Martha called me. All she said is that you were rushed to the hospital with chest pains.”

“I'm going to be alright.” Elizabeth said.

“You don’t even know that. Who’s your doctor?”

“Some kid younger than you who I couldn’t tolerate. I requested the best…Tom Barton. Don’t hassle him, Emily; he has a lot of work to do.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

Two could play at the deception game. Emily had been doing it for most of her life; one more time wouldn’t be a problem. She would talk to the doctor and get real answers.

“I'm going outside for some air. You should get some rest while I'm gone.”

Elizabeth nodded as Emily left the room. She headed to the elevator where Dr. Barton was standing as well.

“Is your mother alright?” He asked.

“They're still running some tests. She’s about to be your new patient, Dr. Barton.”

“Is she? I will probably get her chart for my evening rounds.”

“Actually, do you have a few minutes to spare? I’d like to talk with you about it if I could.”

“I'm sure you know once I start to care for her, doctor-patient privilege will prevent me from discussing her condition without her permission. That surely doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you.”

Emily smiled, inviting him outside while she had a smoke. Tom frowned a bit.

“That’s quite a dirty habit. I think you should give it up.”

“There's something you and my mother have in common. Do you have some time though? I really want to talk to you. I'm not a doctor; I need a little help with the vocabulary.”

“Sure.”

They walked into the elevator together and Emily felt a little better. She didn’t know what was going on yet but she would find out. Her flirty charm had gotten her much information over the years. Access to her mother’s medical chart would be a piece of cake.

***

“I never expected to find anyone down here…this is my secret place.”

Emily jumped, turning with startled brown eyes to look at Hotch. He was the last person she expected to see today. She surely didn’t expect to see him in khaki shorts, moccasins, and a 2007 Boston marathon tee shirt. She wondered if he ran the marathon…he didn’t quite have a runner’s physique. He was in excellent shape and pleasant to stare out but not shaped like a runner.

“I think I have you beat, Aaron Hotchner. This has been my secret place since I was about eight.” Emily replied, turning back to look at Ridley Creek.

The creek ran through the western part of town, surrounded by trees and woods. The young people of Newberry had long adopted the place as their own for skinny dipping, drinking, and debauchery. Where Emily sat was one of the smaller tributaries you could actually walk across. She was surrounded by dirt, rocks, and trees; nearly enclosed once you passed the walking trail.

That never bothered her as this was a place of peace. She’d been around the world and back, with her parents and as an adult. Emily never found another place that made her feel like this. The creek took all of her secrets, fears, and dreams out to the Atlantic Ocean where no one could use them against her.

“You do have me beat,” Hotch moved closer. “I just discovered it a few years ago on a walk. I can leave you alone if you want.”

“No, I think company might be nice. Do you wanna sit?”

Emily had a picnic blanket spread out in the dirt. There was a pile of rocks beside her; she’d been skipping them for the past hour. Hotch picked one up and rolled it in his large hand.

“The whole town is having fun and you're down here by yourself.” He said. “Why?”

“I just needed some quiet. I couldn’t get it in my apartment. It’s Independence Day so Front Street is a circus.”

“It’s a lot of fun though.”

“I guess. Hey, shouldn’t you and Jack be in the middle of all that fun?” she asked.

“He is. I let him loose with Aunt Jessie and Uncle Sam. When he’s with them they both turn into big kids…it’s a sight to behold.”

“I really hope Sam gets to be a dad someday. His kid’s gonna be the luckiest kid in the world.”

“Jessie will make a great mom too.” Hotch replied. “I'm really glad she's been able to be there for Jack. I love my son very much but don’t know anything about being a mom. Jessie fills the void.”

“Tell me about it.” Emily mumbled.

They both heard thunder rumble in the distance. Hotch hoped it held off until overnight. Jack was excited about the fireworks later in the evening. He was a big fan of the 4th of July.

“You never wanted children?” Hotch asked.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Perhaps I asked the wrong question. Are you going to have children someday?”

“I think it’s too late. Gabe and I talked about it when I turned 30. We said we would slow down and start a family. It never really worked out. I don’t want to do it alone, Hotch. I could if I wanted to but I don’t want to. I want a family, not just a child. I want to have everything I didn’t have growing up. Maybe it’s silly, and old-fashioned, but it’s what I want.”

“I thought I had it all…beautiful wife, beautiful child, and a beautiful life. There was only one big problem.”

“What?” Emily looked at him.

“It was an illusion.” He threw his stone in the creek.

“Haley loved you once, though it’s surely not my place to say.”

“I guess she did but she doesn’t anymore. I think she believed I would be the boy I was at 18 forever. That’s not the way things work, even when we want them to.”

“I am eternally grateful to whatever guides the universe that I'm not the same as I was at 18.”

“What's changed the most about you?” Hotch asked.

“Things droop now.” Emily laughed.

“I'm being serious.” He laughed too, bumping her shoulder with his.

“I don’t live in the universe of Emily anymore. I think about people, what they mean to me, and what I want to mean to them. I think about what I can do to make world and our world a better place. I watch movies that make me cry instead of going out and drinking my problems away. I write a lot. I slow down, take walks…” Emily sighed. “I keep saying ‘I’ but oh, I don't know. I'm different, of that I'm sure.”

“I'm still the classic overachiever trying not to become his father.”

“Your father is beloved in this town, Hotch.”

“So are a lot of people who don’t deserve it.” He replied.

“Well, I can’t argue with you on that point. Jack will make you better…kids have a way of reflecting the best of you. Then you start reflecting it yourself.”

“I could stand to be a better father. I do my best, I love him so much, but…you're right.”

“What?”

“Family is so important. Jack and I have each other but it’s not quite a family. We have an extended family but most days it’s just the two of us, and Jessie. I love her to pieces but she’s not my wife.” He shrugged. “I don't know either, Emily.”

“Well three cheers for I don't know. You can do whatever you want Hotch. You just have to get control of…”

“I would like to take you to dinner.” He cut her off and apologized.

“I'm sorry?”

“I’d like to take you to dinner. Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“I like food.” Emily replied.

“That’s a good start.” Hotch smiled. “I haven’t been on a date since Haley left me and I haven’t asked anyone out since her so you have to forgive me if I'm a little rusty at all of this.”

“Why haven’t you been out on a date?”

“Newberry has a way of scaring you into a box. I'm the deserted husband and father.”

“Don’t let them do that to you, Hotch…seriously.”

“A few months after Haley left and I got Jack back, Jessie was there as much as she could be. The whispers started immediately. It got bad, though eventually died down. She didn’t deserve that…she loves her nephew and wanted to help take care of us.”

“The people here boggle my mind.” Emily shook her head.

“With dating I just worry that a local woman would have to deal with a lot of mess. And God forbid I brought another woman here; it would be a disaster.”

“Life is a disaster, a very beautiful disaster.”

“Hmm, I don’t know how I feel about that statement.” He leaned against the large rock, crossing his arms.

“Give it time to sink in.”

“Will you have dinner with me?” Hotch asked again.

“Yes.” She nodded.

“There's a lovely restaurant in Manchester called McGill’s.”

“I’d prefer to go somewhere else. I went there with Penelope, JJ, and their husbands. It was nice but…”

“Would you like something fancier?”

“No I wouldn’t actually, not at all.”

“Do you like seafood?” Hotch asked, remembering it was silly to judge her because of what he thought he knew of her life.

“I love it.” Emily smiled.

“There's a little seafood place called Oceanic that might suit your tastes.”

“OK.” She’d been waiting for him to ask her out for 22 years. Still, Emily didn’t feel the giddy anticipation of a hormone-fueled teenage girl. She felt like this was something new that she wanted to explore. From the moment Gabe revealed his sickness, Emily lived in a vortex. It was time to move on now.

It was fine with her if the process didn’t move faster than she wanted it to. Gabe wouldn’t want her to live in a purgatory. One of the things he loved most about Emily was her lust for life. She hadn’t experienced much of that life in the past two years…it was time. Sometimes even when you weren't ready, you still had to jump.

“When?” She asked.

“Is Friday night alright?” Hotch replied with his own question.

“Yeah.” Emily stood and held her hand out. “I'm hungry now; I think I could go for one of Haas’ foot long dogs. Does that sound good?”

“That sounds fantastic. I could definitely stand to eat. I also need to rescue Sam and Jessie before they overdose on fun.”

Emily laughed, rolling up her blanket and putting it in her tote bag. She and Hotch walked up the trail. They headed back to Front Street and the throngs of happy townspeople celebrating the country’s independence. JJ saw Emily and quickly grabbed her up.

“Where have you been? C'mon, we’re taking pictures.”

She looked at Hotch and he just smiled, holding up his hand to wave.

“I’ll see you later.” She said.

“Alright, have fun.”

“You too.” Emily looked at JJ. “What's going on?”

“We've been looking for you. It’s time to take lots of pictures and have some real fun.”

“I was doing that JJ; believe me.”

***

Brooks Diner always closed at 3pm on Tuesdays. It had been that way since John Brooks brought the Front Street property and took over the diner. Tuesday was family time; no matter what else was going on. John loved spending time with his wife, Marcia, his childhood sweetheart, and their two fantastic daughters, Haley and Jessica. They would go out for dinner and a movie in Manchester or have game night at their middle class home on Appletree Terrace. Though John was retired now, Jessie still kept the Tuesday tradition going.

If it was one thing that Newberry insisted on sticking to, good or bad, it was tradition. No one would be too surprised to see lights still blazing in the diner at seven o’clock. There was always cleaning, stocking, and paperwork to be done. Tonight Jessie wasn’t doing any of that. She was standing over the grill making a steak and potato egg white omelet for the Newberry Chief of Police. Sam smiled like a child on Christmas morning when she put the huge plate in front of him.

“You should see your face.” Jessie said, smiling too as she refilled his coffee cup.

“What?” Sam was still grinning.

“You're beaming, Sam Kassmeyer.”

“I can't help it…I like eggs.”

“Really?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “The Kassmeyer men are egg eaters. I don’t remember steak too often but there were lots of eggs.”

“Well eat up, Chief, before it gets cold.”

Sam nodded, digging in. A few bites in and he stopped to moan.

“Oh cut it out.” Jessie gently hit his arm. “It’s not that great.”

“Jessie, you have to know how good this is. Look at my face…I'm a very happy man.”

“Well I'm glad.”

“What's a guy gotta do to get one of these every morning?”

“Simple, marry me.” She replied. Then Jessie covered her mouth. “Oh Sam, I'm sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” He pulled her hand away from her mouth. “You're only being honest like always. I've always found it refreshing and you're not allowed to change. How do you like them apples?”

“I'm just glad we’re alone in here. If the place were packed word of our secret affair would be in Manchester by lunchtime Thursday. I've been there, done that Sam. I never want to go there again.”

“Anyone who thinks you're anything but a caring, wonderful woman who would never belittle herself by being someone’s mistress is a damn fool.” Sam replied, letting his frustration seep through. “And they better never say anything like that in front of me.”

“You're a real sweetheart, do you know that? A woman’s honor is always safe with you.”

“I was raised right; I'm always gonna look after you Jess.”

Jessie smiled and walked away from him. She didn’t know what else to say so it was best to say nothing at all. She was saved from awkward conversation by Hotch knocking on the door. Sam looked back with a bewildered smile on his face.

“Oh my God Jessie, the man is on time. Is it a full moon tonight?”

“I don’t think so.” She laughed and opened the door. “Hey there, bro.”

“Hi.” Hotch kissed her cheek before joining Sam at the counter. “Hey Sam.”

“Hey there.”

“That omelet looks fantastic.”

“You must be hungry, Aaron, what can I get you?”

“I could really go for a homemade bacon cheeseburger.” He said.

“You got it. I’ll leave you guys alone to talk.”

“Thanks Jess.” They said in unison.

“What’s up?” Sam asked, sipping his coffee.

“I need to run something by you.” Hotch said.

“I'm all ears.”

“I'm going out on a date on Friday.”

“Seriously?” Sam looked at him. “That’s a good thing; that’s awesome.”

“Yeah, and it’s about time. Haley moved on with her life a long time ago. Its time for me to do the same.”

“Agreed.” Sam nodded. “So…”

“So what?”

“Oh don’t do that. Tell me who the lucky woman is. Is it Elle Greenaway, that gorgeous investigator who works in your office?”

“No.” Hotch shook her head. “She's um…Elle’s great but she’s a little insane. She's not my type.”

“Who then?”

“Emily.”

“Emily who?” Sam frowned because his omelet was almost gone. It was such an amazing meal but gone too soon. He would savor the last of it, slowly.

“Emily Prentiss.”

“You asked out Emily Prentiss?” That got Sam to stop eating. He really looked at his best friend, completely unsure of what to say next.

“Sam…”

“Yeah?” His coffee was getting lukewarm.

“I won't do it if it upsets you. I’ll call her and cancel before I let anything come between us.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Of course I am.” Hotch nodded. “You're my best friend.”

“I appreciate that. I love you like a brother, you know that, and because of that I really want this to happen for you. Emily is an amazing woman; you know I’ll always be one of her biggest fans. The both of you could use a little joy in your lives. Just be careful.”

“What do you mean?”

Jessie came out with Hotch’s burger. Without a single word or prompt, she refilled Sam’s coffee. Then she got Hotch a glass of fountain Cherry Coke. They both looked at her.

“How do you do that?” Hotch asked.

“What?” Jessie asked.

“You always know what we need.” Sam said.

“Well I don’t like to brag but I've been feeding you guys in one way or another since I was twelve years old. To be so incredibly complicated you two are easy as pie for me.”

“Guilty as charged.” Sam raised his hand. “I love your pie.”

“Me too.” Hotch replied.

“I’ll be in the back working. Take your time, guys.”

“What do you mean?” Hotch asked again when Jessie was out of earshot. “You told me to be careful with Emily.”

“She's not in Newberry to stay. I just don’t want either one of you to get hurt. That’s all I'm saying.”

“Its just dinner, we wanted something casual. It’s been so long since I've gone out and enjoyed myself. It’s been too damn long since I haven’t let myself be defined by what Haley did to me. When I'm with Emily I won’t have to worry about that. I can just be me.”

“Well there is a problem that I wanted to talk to you about.” Sam said. “I hate to kick you while you're happy but we need to discuss it.”

“It is about Emily?”

“It’s about Haley…sort of.”

“What is it?” Hotch almost put his guard up but stopped himself. This was Sam. They'd been close friends since Little League. All through high school they were tight, played baseball together, and became best friends as grown men. If there was anyone he refused to put his guard up with it was Sam.

“Kate called me this morning.” He said.

“Where is she this week?” Hotch asked.

“Athens. Well, they're traveling to a few places in Greece over the next ten days. Haley is with them.”

“You knew the two of them were close. They are close, I guess. What's going on Sam?”

Hotch always suspected that Kate was well aware of Haley’s infidelity. She smiled in his face, wooed his suddenly rich best friend, and knew his wife was fucking someone else.

“She's adamant about having Haley stand up for her at the wedding.”

“No, no way…absolutely positively not.” Hotch shook his head. “No way in hell will I smile through pictures with her. I thought you two talked about this. I thought this was resolved, Sam.”

“We did and it was. I put my foot down. Kate made a valid point though it did nothing to change my mind.”

“And her valid point was what?”

“This is a very important day in our lives and my best friend will be at my side. It seemed unfair that her best friend can't be with her.”

“Tell her that maybe she shouldn’t keep company with infidels.” Hotch muttered.

Sam nodded, finishing his omelet and coffee. He knew it would be a touchy subject but he was ready to face that.

“I'm sorry Sam that was low.”

“Forget it.” Sam squeezed his shoulder. “I don't know what Kate’s thinking but she’s headstrong as hell. So am I; this isn’t over.”

“What if she doesn’t give up?” Hotch asked.

Sam didn’t say anything immediately. The silence was thick in the diner and for the first time in their lives it was uncomfortable.

“Don’t marry her Sam.”

“Aaron!” He exclaimed.

“What! If I can't talk to my best friend, who can I talk to? I keep my opinion to myself, I love you, and I want you to be happy. She's not going to make you happy. Kate's as hollow as that $12 million dollars that you can barely touch. You think she's going to have any problem going through it?”

“That’s enough.” Sam held up his hand. “I'm sorry for all you’ve been through. You know I always have your back and I hate Haley for what she's done to you and Jack. Kate is not Haley.”

“I didn’t say that she was. They are best friends, Sam, just like you and I. Why bother to be best friends if you’ve got nothing in common? I don’t want to watch you make a mistake; a huge mistake. You’ve waited for this moment for so long…it should be perfect for you.”

He didn’t say anything to Hotch, just nodded. The uncomfortable silence followed again. Hotch just ate his burger. He didn’t know what else to say and he surely didn’t want to fight. They made it over the Emily hump, which Hotch thought might be sticky. He wouldn’t let Haley, who didn’t give a damn about either one of them, throw their lives into a tailspin again. His hand clutched into a fist and he sighed.

“Honestly, I have no right to tell Kate who can stand up for her.” Hotch said. “As much as I hate to admit it, she's right. If it makes your wedding day happier then I’ll do it. I won't pose for any pictures alone with her but I’ll do it.”

“You don’t know how much that means to me.” Sam said.

“Yes I do.”

“Kate and I will deal with this. Right now though I think it’s better if we drop the subject.”

“OK.”

Jessie came back out to clear away the dishes. She refilled their drinks once more, stopping to take a good look at them.

“What happened?” She asked.

“Nothing.” Hotch replied.

“That’s not true.”

“Jess…” Sam looked at her.

“What? I know those looks.”

“Everything is fine.” Hotch said. He looked at his watch. “I should get out of here. It’s getting late and Cheryl would like to be more in life than my babysitter. I need to go home to Jack.” He leaned to kiss Jessie’s cheek. “Goodnight.” Then he squeezed Sam’s shoulder. “Are we alright?”

“We’re always alright, Aaron. Give Jack a big hug from his Uncle Sam.”

“You got it. Goodnight, guys.”

He quickly left the diner, climbing into his Buick parked on adjacent Partridge Lane. Jessie watched him drive off and then looked at Sam.

“Are you alright?” She asked.

“Desi Morgan is your best friend, right?” Sam asked.

“She has been since Brownies. Our mothers worked together at the elementary school. What…?”

“I like her a lot.”

“So do I. Sam, what are you talking about?”

“Nevermind, I'm just rambling. I should probably get out of here too. I’ll give you a ride; do you have much more to do?”

“I can wrap it up. Just give me 15 minutes.” She replied.

“Take your time, Jess.”

“Are you sure you're alright?” Jessie slid her hand over his, soft fingers stroking his thick skin. “You look sad. Its strange but I think I've mastered all of your facial expressions over the years.”

“I'm OK. How could I not be after that fabulous omelet?”

“OK, now you're just being…” She laughed, heading back to her office to finish up.

Sam sighed, closing his eyes and running his hands over his face. He didn’t quite know how to fix or solve this. Kate wasn’t going to back down…that wasn’t her way. They were both right and both wrong and it wasn’t just about the wedding party anymore.

***

“Don’t cut too many peppers.” Elizabeth said. “I'm not overly fond of peppers.”

“You can't make kabobs without peppers, Mother.”

“Some peppers are fine, just not too many.”

“OK, OK.”

The Prentiss women were standing at the kitchen counter making dinner. It was July 7th, Elizabeth was out of the hospital, and they were moving on. She’d been diagnosed with hypertension. Dr. Barton prescribed two medications and told there were things in her life that she would no longer be able to indulge in.

She didn’t want to hear that but she listened. The last thing Elizabeth wanted was to die. There was a lot left to do and she wanted to be there to do it. So tonight she and her daughter were making chicken kabobs.

“Mother, you'd be happy to know that I'm being more social around town.” Emily said.

She didn’t know why she said it. A part of her was desperate to make some kind of conversation. It bothered her that she and her mother had so little to talk about. Surely Emily wasn’t the only person who suffered from this. She wondered how others made due. Maybe she would ask a friend the next time she had a chance.

“Well I'm really glad to hear that. This town is missing something without you in it. It needs to come alive again and I think you can help that happen.”

“This town is alive. Have you ever walked down the streets, Mother? I didn’t say drive I said walk. Have you ever listened to the children playing, went for lunch at Brooks Diner, or caught a Friday evening high school baseball game? Have you noticed that people leave for college or in their 20s and over 60% return to raise their families here? Hell, sometimes I feel like Daddy and I are the only people who left.”

“No one wanted you to leave.” Elizabeth replied in a low tone. “Present company included.”

“I had to go on my own journey.” Emily said. She was slicing up the boneless, skinless chicken breasts. She’d already seasoned and marinated it to perfection. It was Jason who taught her to cook and Gabe who taught her to love it. All these years later and she still wasn’t quite good at it. That didn’t matter. Jason always told her the passion meant more than the result.

“I understand that but your friends are so happy to have you back. I can't think of a week that went by in the last decade that someone didn’t ask me about you.”

“That’s nice to hear.”

She went out back to put the kabobs on the grill. When she came into the house, Emily poured herself a glass of wine. Elizabeth gave her a hopeful look but her daughter poured her a glass of raspberry iced tea. The former diplomat raised her eyebrow; her daughter ignored her.

“Take Sam Kassmeyer for example,” Elizabeth went on. “I see him at least once a week. He is such a sweet boy…Mike did a great job raising him. He’s a far sight better than that brother of his.”

“Lay off Sean, Mother; he was always a nice kid. He just wanted to live a different life and there's nothing wrong with that.”

“Well Sam is wonderful. Whenever I see him, he always kisses my cheek, says good morning or good afternoon, and then asks about you. Its never false…I never mind talking about you.”

“There's nothing false about Sam.” Emily took her wine with her when she went outside to turn the kabobs.

“I know that.” Elizabeth said. “He was raised solidly in the church and has grown into a fine man. He didn’t let that Peach Street mentality permeate his being like some of the boys he grew up with. This town is safer with him watching over it. It’s a real shame he’s about to make the biggest mistake of his life.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve only been here a month darling but surely you know he's engaged to Kate Joyner.”

“Mmm hmm. I thought you liked Kate, Mother.”

“Well, she's alright. She’s certainly pretty, bright, and ambitious. She’s just all wrong for Sam Kassmeyer. The sad part is I think he is perfectly aware of that and ignoring his gut.”

“He seems happy to me.” Emily replied. That wasn’t quite the truth but she didn’t think it was her place to say. She was interested to know why her mother spent so much time thinking about it.

“That’s a lie.”

“Wow, Mother, tell me how you really feel.”

“I mean it too.” Elizabeth said.

“I see that. Why would anyone marry someone they don’t love? OK, nevermind, there are probably a lot of reasons. Why would Sam Kassmeyer do it?”

“There are a plethora of reasons as you just said.”

“Well don’t keep me in suspense.”

Emily knew what she thought but was eager to hear her mother’s thoughts on the subject. It wasn’t just about Sam…she wanted to know if she was slowly becoming her mother. That was a truly scary thought though Emily knew it was bound to happen one way or another someday.

“Alright, well reason #1 would be someone trying to rise above their station. Another is that a person wants what everyone else has.”

“What's that mean?”

Emily put the six kabobs on a plate and brought them back into the kitchen. Elizabeth took the macaroni salad from the refrigerator. They sat at the table to eat their dinner.

“Well Sam is 36 years old; the majority of his friends are married. So many of them have children and their families are growing. If he marries Kate he can have that too.”

“I don’t see her as the house frau type.” Emily rolled her eyes. “I definitely don’t see her as the mothering type either. What animal is it that eats their young?”

Elizabeth smirked, sampling the teriyaki chicken. It was delicious.

“The third reason is marrying someone to get your mind off someone else.”

“Oh c'mon Mother, that’s such a TV movie scenario. The last time I checked Sam was not Lisa Hartman Black.”

“It happens more than you think darling.”

“It doesn’t happen to Sam Kassmeyer.” Does it? “Why would he ever do such a thing?”

“Let’s just say I have no idea why he isn’t following his heart. All I can think is that he’s pushed the feelings so far down that he has no idea he’s feeling them.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Emily shook her head.

“You should be grateful you don’t know the feeling, Emily.” Elizabeth said.

“Well if Sam isn’t in love with Kate, who is he in love with?”

“I don’t want to talk out of turn…”

“Oh c'mon, you're one of the chattiest people I know.” Emily said. “I mean that in the nicest way possible.”

“I have nothing to say about it. Except to say that the woman is kind and intelligent, comes from a good family, and is a valuable member of our society. If she and Sam were married I’d be happy so I imagine they'd be doubly so.”

Emily smirked at the idea of her mother playing matchmaker for Sam. She couldn’t figure out who this woman might be, she was just glad it wasn’t her. She loved Sam to pieces, he had been her first in every sense of the word, but that didn’t mean the future was meant to be. There were some nice women in town but all the names that went through Emily’s head didn’t fit. Some actually made her shudder.

Maybe Hotch knew something about it. No, maybe Garcia did. Penelope knew everything. If she did decide to dig deeper she would turn to her girlfriends. For right now Emily would just push it out of her mind.

***

_Having sex on the first date is not the best way to start a relationship. There's nothing wrong with sex, it can be an amazing thing. It’s just not the foundation that builds a house of love and trust. I like to think of it as the awesome thing that makes a house pleasing to the senses. It can be the picture windows, the veranda, the porch swing, or the rose garden._

_The problem is that men, and this is a sweeping general statement, approach life like Mario Bros. Maybe its WoW as every generation has a different game with the same point. The whole point is to play and play and play, passing each level until they get the brass ring. If he gets sex on the first date, Level 15, there's really no point in going back to conquer Level 6. Who cares about her favorite color, the song she sings in the shower, or what makes her laugh without fail when you can just fill the gaps with sex?_

_When you start slow and build its so much better. You're allowed to make mistakes; you're allowed to make a lot of them. It just really sucks when you make the same one repeatedly or with that guy who really had potential. How do you tell him it was a mistake when you don’t truly regret that you now have carnal knowledge of each other?_

_Sex complicates everything. This is why it should be dessert and not the appetizer. If you get full on it before you have anything else, you're too sick to enjoy the rest of the adventure. I've probably been screwed by the conundrum of sex more time than I've been screwed._

_This time I'm feeling regret like I haven’t in a long time. I think I might have ruined it. Even if I haven’t, if there is still a glimmer of hope for something more than the occasional sheet slapping, fears of ruin will certainly send me down the path to damnation. At least I won't get lost as I surely know the way._

Emily inhaled her clove, looking up from her laptop when Hotch came into the living room. He was fully dressed but she wasn’t surprised. The fun was over, now it was time for awkward conversation and for them to never see each other again. The never seeing each other again part might be hard in Newberry.

It was probably a good thing that Emily didn’t intend to stay forever. One of the best things about living in Manhattan were the low odds on running into that one-night stand. If it did happen, you could always keep walking as if you didn’t know the person. How could Emily do that with Hotch?

“Is there any coffee?” He asked.

“In the kitchen.” Emily pointed toward the small room. There was enough room for a small stove, refrigerator, and some counter space. “Mugs are in the side cabinet.”

He nodded, his bare feet walking across the carpet as she went back to her laptop. They'd had such a great time last night but now Hotch was at a loss for what to do. He’d never really dated before and truly unversed on the politics of sex. Haley had been his only girlfriend, his only lover, and his wife. Last night, for one of the first times since she walked out on the life they built together, Hotch didn’t think about her once.

He and Emily talked and talked and talked. They shared a bottle of wine, a wonderful meal, and just talked. They didn’t discuss Newberry or New York, being a widow or a divorcee, they just talked. There was laughter, hand gestures, antidotes, and old memories. He pondered, she wondered, and time stood still while they engaged each other.

Hotch probably should've declined her offer to come up but in truth he just didn’t want it to end. He wanted to talk all night. He wanted to soak up her essence and hoped she felt the same. It still took almost three hours for things to turn passionate. One kiss, a goodnight kiss actually, and it was happening.

Hotch was at the door leaving one minute and in her bed naked the next. It didn’t feel wrong; in fact Hotch hadn’t felt so right in too long to remember. They spent the whole evening connecting, like the rungs on a ladder, and there was nothing left but to reach the summit and share the spectacular view. Hotch didn’t know about Emily but if the way she whimpered his name and gripped his hips was any indication, she thought the view was just as amazing as he did. It was so nice he had to view it twice. Then he collapsed in exhaustion.

One thing Hotch did notice was Emily’s detachment after lovemaking. When the bliss dissipated, she didn’t want to be held or kissed…she just turned over and pretended to sleep. She did ask him to stay inside of her after they climaxed and that made Hotch shiver with desire. Once their bodies separated, he was only shivering from the chilly wind. He couldn’t pretend to know Emily Prentiss even if they did grow up together. They were grownups now, with all the flaws, doubts, and pitfalls that came with it.

He wouldn’t belittle her by treating her like the girl who always seemed light years away from Newberry even when she was in the thick of it. He wouldn’t treat her like the cosmopolitan Barnard girl who came home every summer more changed than the last. She wasn’t quite the globetrotting New Yorker, the former model and current magazine editor with the famous husband, ritzy address, and skyrocketing career. Emily was turning into someone else; trying to and wanted to. Hotch saw a glimpse of it last night and liked what he saw. The only problem was he had no idea who he was looking at this morning. There was no way this wouldn’t be uncomfortable but there had to be a way for it not to be failure on an epic scale.

“This is good coffee.” Hotch said. He leaned on the counter between the living room and kitchen sipping from his cup.

Emily stopped clicking the keys of her laptop and looked at him. She tried to smile, not quite making it.

“There's a coffee shop in Morningside Heights where I buy it. Even in Manhattan there are still little mom and pop places that I like to give my business. I hype them in the magazine too. It’s the least I can do for keeping me awake during monotonous staff meetings.” Emily put out her cigarette.

“You're preaching to the choir on monotonous staff meetings.” When he grinned, his dimples came out to play. “Where can I get some of this?”

“I’ll ship you some when I go home.”

The words hit him like a sledgehammer to the gut. She was leaving. He didn’t know when but it would be soon. Sam warned him not to get too involved; they knew this was going to happen. She had a life, job, and friends five hours away. Whatever happened in Newberry, New Hampshire was too small potatoes for Emily Prentiss…maybe Aaron Hotchner was as well.

“I’d appreciate that.” He replied, unable to think of anything else.

Hotch finished his coffee quickly and put on his socks and shoes. Their goodbye was awkward but he still went over to the couch to kiss her. Emily was responsive, though she didn’t get up to walk him to the door. As Hotch walked down the long stairway and out the door he was lucky it was too early for Front Street to be lively.

Not that the astute observer, and there were so many in that town, hadn’t noticed his Buick was parked there overnight. There was little doubt that the questions and rumors were coming. That was the Newberry way. When the town wanted answers and they couldn’t find them, they just made them up. No place was perfect, and only one place was home.

***

Penelope Garcia knew how to throw a party. She always had and it was good that some things never changed. Back in the day her parents let the kids dance and play records in the Garcia’s tiny, cramped basement. She and Jessie were in the same grade, two years behind Emily, but most of the older kids still came to a Penelope party. Good times were had by all. Tonight they finally moved the party upstairs.

Kevin had the grill going, Paul was controlling the music, and Bobbi Baird was making some excellent drinks. Canal Street, where Penelope grew up with her parents and now lived with her husband, was hopping. That wasn’t unusual though…this was the party side of town. The local PD frequently came to break up parties around here. The people on Canal Street were good and hardworking.

They also lived to party. Fridays and Saturdays could be insane in the two block radius of Canal and Pemberton. Garcia didn’t have to worry about the cops tonight. She had the Chief of Newberry Police and an FBI Agent giving the shindig two thumbs up.

Emily had been enjoying her warm welcome for about 90 minutes when she ran into Nathan in the kitchen. He was making smoothies for he and Dr. Reid, who Penelope made good on inviting. The two had been almost inseparable since Emily started paying attention.

“Hey Nathan.”

“Hey.” He wore that not quite smile again.

“I just want to apologize for what happened a couple of weeks ago.” Emily said. “It was really out of line.”

“You're not the first.”

“That doesn’t make it right. I know it was probably hard to say no to me since I'm a grownup, and you’ve known me your entire life. I'm just glad you were smarter than I was about the whole thing.”

“I'm sorry you're in pain at all.” He said.

“I'm going to be OK.” Emily nodded, not sure when that was really going to happen.

“That’s good. You're probably stronger than you think…that’s what PG always tells me.”

He put his focus back on the smoothie machine. Emily felt uncomfortable so she wandered back out to the living room where the music was bumping and the conversation was non-stop. Who knew about 20 people could make such a ruckus? Morgan put his arms around her from behind, causing Emily to tense and then relax.

“It’s just me, mama.” He said. “I'm in the mood to dance. Are you with me?”

“Oh yeah.”

Paul was playing Eve as Derek and Emily got wild on the “dance floor”. He was always such a wicked flirt and ladies man but a few people knew the real Derek Morgan. Emily used to count herself among the handful but that was a long time ago. When they were dancing and laughing together it didn’t feel like forever.

“I’d forgotten how good you can move your hips.” Morgan said grinning.

“I do alright.” She replied.

“Quite alright, I think. Work it girl.”

000

“This is the part of the evening when I say something mushy to make Emily teary-eyed.” JJ said, holding up her glass.

“Oh God,” Emily covered her eyes. “You better not, Jennifer Jareau. I mean it.”

“I tapped her on the shoulder in Hughes Park and asked her if she wanted to play _Charlie’s Angels_. I had two six-shooters and told her she could have one if she played with me. She agreed on one condition…that she could be Kelly. That was OK with me because I wanted to be Jill. We spent the rest of that afternoon fighting crime and by the time we parted ways she was my bestest friend.

“I remember the first time she spent the night at my house and Penelope wanted to stay as well. We finally had our third Angel. Through ups, downs, tragedies, triumphs, and long distances our hearts and souls have always been connected. That will never change but tonight I'm really happy that there's no more distance between us. Welcome home.”

“Welcome home!” Everyone said in unison.

Emily hugged JJ close and pulled Penelope into the hug as well.

“I love you guys.” Emily whispered, holding back her tears. “I love you guys so much and I'm really happy to be back.”

000

“I was waiting for a moment with speak to you alone.” Hotch came out on the porch. “It’s not as easy as I thought to get the center of attention’s attention.”

“Here I am.” Emily replied, inhaling her clove. She wanted to look at him but didn’t have the nerve. She would honestly rather have her teeth drilled than to have this conversation. Hotch stood a little behind her so that Emily would have to turn around to see him. She wasn’t going to do that.

“Last night was amazing, Emily; every moment of it. I just need to be truthful. It’s been so damn long since I connected with someone, particularly on an intimate level. I'm not a genius but I hear doing what we did on the first date isn’t ideal.”

“It depends on what book you're reading.” She tried to be cheeky but fell flat.

“That doesn’t mean we should give up altogether, does it? Let me take you out again.” Hotch said. “Well, let me take you in.”

“What?”

“How does pizza, beer, and a movie sound? My mother takes Jack on Thursdays so we can have a nice evening at my place. I remember you love classic films so how about _Peyton Place_.”

“How inappropriately appropriate.” Emily smiled. “I’d like that, Hotch. I don’t want to give up altogether either. Talking last night, just talking, my God it was refreshing. It’s been a while since I've felt so free to be honest. You didn’t want anything but my company and that meant a lot to me.”

“I want to keep getting to know you. I'm so damn rusty at this and I didn’t mean…”

“Don’t explain,” She reached for his hand. “This is one of those scenarios that will always be awkward and over explained.”

“I don’t feel awkward.” He replied. “Do you feel awkward?”

“Not anymore.” Emily shook her head.

Hotch smiled. He moved closer to her, slipped his arm around her waist, and pulled her to him. He pressed his forehead on hers and Emily’s heart soared. Then he gave her a quick peck on the lips. It didn’t satisfy either of them so Emily deepened the kiss. He was so damn cute. It seemed improbable that there were men out there still so sweet and cute.

Emily pulled away when she heard voices approaching. She relaxed a little when she realized it was Sam and Jessie.

“You aren’t leaving already, are you?” She asked. “I know you're the law around here, Kassmeyer, but you don’t turn into a pumpkin at midnight do you?”

“No,” Sam shook his head. “I need to get Jess home though. She's the one who’s going to turn into a pumpkin.”

Jessie laughed, playfully punching his arm.

“I'm sorry I'm dragging him away Emily, but Sam’s my chauffer for the time being.”

“Is your car still acting up?” Hotch asked.

“It died yesterday. Someone,” She playfully glared at Sam. “Has been taking another look at it for two weeks.”

“I’ll start by saying that you wouldn’t have these constant problems if you bought American.” Sam said. “But for my insolence I've volunteered myself for indentured servitude.” Sam grinned. “Its alright, I have a gentle master.”

“He ain't seen nothing yet.” Jessie made a whip noise, rustled his hair, and Sam just laughed.

Emily looked at Hotch; he was wearing the same expression she was. Then she looked at Sam and Jessie.

“Well drive safely; it’s starting to drizzle.” She said.

“Welcome home.” Sam pulled her into a bear hug, lifting her feet from the ground. Then he kissed her forehead. Emily kissed his cheek. “I think the general consensus is that we want to keep you.”

“I appreciate that, Sam.”

“Welcome home, Emily.”

“Thanks Jess…its good to be back.”

“Alright Jeeves,” Jessie slipped her arm in Sam’s. “Homeward.”

“Your wish is my command.”

They walked down the steps and halfway down the block to Sam’s Mustang. Emily watched them until they were in the car and looked at Hotch.

“Um, how long…?”

“For sure?” Hotch asked. “I would say the last five years, give or take. At least that’s when it became painfully obvious to me.”

“And they don’t…?”

“I honestly don’t think they have any idea.”

“Someone might want to tell him before he gets married.” Emily replied, lighting another clove.

“Its not as if I can pretend to be an expert on women or the mating ritual but it strikes me as odd that neither one of them knows.”

“Sometimes when you care about someone, been close for a long time, its impossible to put your finger on the moment it changes. It doesn’t always have the decency to hit you like a ton of bricks, Hotch.”

“Sometimes it does though. Sometimes it knocks you right on your ass.”

Emily contemplated that thought. The words swirling around in her head were interrupted by the booming grooves of Beyonce. She sang about _Single Ladies_ and Emily gasped. Plucking the clove away, she grabbed Hotch’s hand and rushed toward the door.

“Emily…”

“I love this song. I need to shake it.”

“I don’t know how to shake it. I have absolutely no rhythm. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“Don’t worry, I promise to be gentle. You're gonna dance with me, Aaron.”

He found the offer to tempting to refuse.

***

“The moon is amazing tonight.”

Jason sat beside Emily on the porch swing. She smiled when he put the bowl of orange slices between them. It was a beautiful summer night. The skies above Newberry were filled with bright stars and a huge, round moon. They also watched the planes flying to and from Manchester-Boston Regional Airport.

When she was a teenager Sam would take Emily in his dad’s pickup to this field out in Hillsborough County and they would do that. That field was the best make out spot in a twenty mile radius. Lots of teenage boys coaxed, cajoled, and coasted their way past third base there. Emily lost her virginity in a bed and it was Sam who was the bundle of nerves. That night wasn’t much different from this one, hot and full of promise. That could describe more situations in Emily’s life than she cared to think about at the moment.

“Aaron Hotchner and I are going on our second date the day after tomorrow.” She said.

“Where are you going?” Jason asked.

“Nowhere. We’re going to watch a movie and just spend some time together. He thought _Peyton Place_ was a good choice…so did I.”

“That’s always been a favorite of yours.”

“I wanted to be Diane Varsi when I was a girl.” Emily replied.

“I didn’t know you and Aaron Hotchner had gone on a first date.” Jason said.

“He asked me out on the 4th and I accepted.”

“Was it everything you wanted?”

“I have no idea what I want.”

“Why are you telling me this, Katya? What do you want my reaction to be?”

There was something in his tone that made Emily look at him. As usual, Jason’s face was unreadable. A part of her wanted to pinch him hard. She wanted him to be shocked, hurt, mad…something. She wasn’t telling him things to evoke any response; she wouldn’t do that. Still, when you talked to someone a reaction was expected, nice even. Not that she knew what response she wanted from him.

“I'm just talking. I've always been able to tell you anything.” Emily reasoned.

“That was a long time ago. We've certainly never talked about love affairs. You’ve only ever talked to me about Sam Kassmeyer, and those were teenage ramblings more than anything.”

“I didn’t mean to…what exactly did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything.” He replied.

She didn’t say anything else. Emily just ate her fruit, drank her wine, and breathed. When all the oranges were gone she lit a clove. The cherry vanilla flavor filled her lungs.

“He's probably more right for you than someone like me.” Jason said. “He's willing to share; open doors for you to see inside.”

“I didn’t know that you know Hotch well.”

“I don’t.”

“Then how do you know if he’s open at all. Growing up he was always friendly but formal. We’ve only been on one date. I don’t know if anything will come of it.”

“He asked you out though. That shows he wants something to come of it.”

“I don’t want to lose you Jason.”

“That’s never going to happen.” He took her hand. “I’ll always be right here. It’s just that…”

“We can't help falling into bed.” Emily finished his sentence.

“I'm sure that’s something Aaron Hotchner wouldn’t appreciate.”

Emily knew that to be true. Surely he’d been through enough where that was concerned. There was always a part of her that would belong to Jason Gideon. She also knew that part was not her heart. It wasn’t as if she didn’t love him.

She did. She loved his soul, his mind, and his body. Her time with him made her life fuller. Since resuming some semblance of a relationship, Emily knew they were in the wrong place. As a teenager, the sex with him was hot, tempting, and dangerous. As a woman it seemed as if they were smoothing out a tattered script and following it to the letter.

Something had to change, they could be much more than what they were becoming. The sex was still good, better than she remembered, but it didn’t fill anything in Emily. She was more sated by sharing space, time, and oranges. She hoped to never hurt Jason as she had so many others. He was there to pull her through so many rough patches as she stumbled out of childhood and into the real world.

“I love you.”

She’d never said it before. She’d been enamored by him, in awe of him, and lusted after him. It wasn’t until that moment, the moment Emily knew it would never be that she was sure.

“I love you too, Katya.” He put his arm around her, leaning back on the swing. Jason kissed her forehead and gazed at the stars.

“Always?” She asked. “Is that a selfish question?”

“I'm an always kinda guy, even when I don’t want to be. I also think human beings are inherently selfish even when they have the best of intentions.”

“One of these days you will answer me with something that isn’t a ‘Jason’ response.”

“I'm a philosopher…it's what we do.” He smiled, holding her tighter.

Emily sighed and let herself be enveloped. It was a comforting feeling. It wasn’t just Jason enveloping her but the whole of Newberry. She still couldn’t figure out why she left and didn’t come back for so long.

Maybe it was the pain of a teenage girl, dissipated with age. Maybe it had been a mistake…something she always meant to rectify as more time slipped away. Emily didn’t know anymore and she decided to stop thinking about it. She was home. It was back in her heart and her head. The good was great and the cringe worthy was so very Newberry. Now she just had to figure out how and when she would once again leave it behind.

***

_What is the vast limbo between love and like called? Does it have a name? I know the names of lots of things, the important and the unnecessary but not that space. It’s not a crush…I am a firm believer that adults don’t have crushes. Some have told me I'm wrong and that’s OK too._

_Maybe I should clarify… Surely I have a crush on Denzel Washington and the guy on plays McSteamy on _Grey’s Anatomy_ but as a woman it’s hard to develop a crush on someone I know. Crushes are about longing, longing for what you can't have or for what doesn’t really exist. When you are close to a person, getting to know them, feeling them (so to speak), what do you call that?_

_You’ve kissed, maybe more; he gives you butterflies. He knows how to make you laugh and mix the perfect sloe comfortable screw. Spooning with him on a slightly uncomfortable couch should be named a national pastime. But its not love. A tiny piece of you, the piece down deep that you ignore, wants it to be._

_The rational side of you is pumping the brakes. You know what its like to hurt and be hurt. Miscommunication and double entendres could be the death of this beautiful thing. Yet you want to flirt like crazy, touch, tease, drive him and yourself out of your damn mind. What is that_?

_You're old enough now to make every attempt at getting this right. You're also still young enough to be giddy. Hmm…the giddy phase? It’s that time when every discovery is awesome. Everything he says is witty; everything you do makes him smile. Giddy is wonderful, love is work._

_Marriage can be downright unbearable, though I do not speak from my own experience. Giddy is something that should be embraced as often as possible. Even far away from him, I feel it now. It’s like this pull, champagne bubbles in my belly. I think I'm a goner. S.O.S_ …

Two days of heavy rain in the first week of August proved that Penelope’s front windows leaked. The buckets Emily set up kept the carpet dry and she had Nathan help her move the bookshelf. Garcia promised as soon as the weather cleared she would have Paul and his brother come over to do some point work and caulking. That was fine with her tenant.

Rumbles of thunder moved in on the third day though thankfully the rain had slowed to a drizzle. It was the perfect weather for a nap. Emily curled in bed with some pillows and fell asleep quickly. She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep when her cell phone rang. The thought of ignoring it crossed her mind but it could’ve been her mother. Elizabeth was doing better since her hospital stay but Emily was more vigilant in looking for signs that something was wrong. She also told her mother to call if she ever needed anything.

“Hello.” She mumbled, having no idea who was on the line. Emily didn’t have time to look at the display. She was just trying to catch it before it went to voicemail.

“Emily, did I wake you?”

It was Hotch and the sound of his voice made her smile. Emily turned on her back and stretched. She put her Bluetooth in her ear and her iPhone on the bedside table.

“I'm awake.” She said.

“Are you sure? I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Good. Do you have plans tonight?” Hotch asked.

“I have to double check my calendar but I think I was just going to hang out in the coffee shop and write. What's up?”

“The rain should clear up by early evening and I have tickets to a baseball game. Do you like baseball?”

“I don't know.” Emily replied laughing. “I used to go to all the high school games to support Sam though I can't pretend I really knew what was going on. These days when people give me Mets box seats I just give them to my friend Coop. He loves the Mets.”

“This is a little more low key than a Subway Series. The New Hampshire Fisher Cats are home tonight playing the Reading Phillies. I got comp tickets from my boss. Jack is a huge fan of the Fisher Cats…they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“If that’s true I'm in big trouble, Aaron Hotchner.”

“You're fine.” He laughed. “You're better than fine actually.”

“Thanks. I’d love to go to the baseball game. It will be the first time Jack and I go on a date.”

“Well he’s a little short on cash; I hope you can afford to pay your own way.”

“I'm a 21st century modern woman, hell I’ll pay for him. I'm willing to make concessions when the guy is adorable.”

They both laughed and as the giggles faded; Emily asked what time she should be ready.

“I’ll pick you up at quarter to six. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.”

“See you, Emily.”

She hung up the phone, turning to look at the clock. It was just after two so she definitely had some time to continue her nap. Since their first date, Hotch and Emily had been seeing each other a few times a week. They watched a movie at his place and then one at hers. They drank coffee at the Coffee Cup and went into Manchester for an art show. They skipped stones at the creek, slayed Sam and Jessie in board games, and took evening strolls where time moved slow and steady.

Emily opened up about Gabe and Hotch talked about Haley. They laughed over shared childhood memories. When you grew up in a town like Newberry there were always those kinds of stories. Still, Emily enjoyed talking about Hotch now. She wanted to talk about civil law and his love of running. He wanted to hear about her writing and her traveling.

She wanted to have all the grown up conversation they could. And when the conversation was over she wanted to kiss until she was breathless and his lips were swollen. She wanted to hold hands and hear him whisper her name when they hugged. She wanted to ache for him when he walked out the door or she got out of the car. They both knew what the next step was even if they wanted to wait before they made it again.

Now Emily was about to spend an evening with Hotch and his four year old son. He’d described Jack as his saving grace on more than one occasion. He often worried that he wasn’t good enough as a father. His own was neglectful at best and abusive at worse…Hotch didn’t have the best example. He was so grateful that Jessie was there to fill the void that Haley left behind.

Jack loved his Aunt Jessie. He was too happy and too young to realize that his father may not be there as much as he needed to be. Emily smiled thinking that Hotch would be with Jack tonight, and she would be with both of them. No matter how much she tried to calm down, slip back into a nap, that smile wasn’t going anywhere. When her phone rang again, Emily answered it with a bubbly tone.

“Hello.”

“Emily, its Gina. How are you?”

Emily tried not to let her stomach drop too far. Gina was her assistant at _Chic_ , where she’d worked for eight years and been the Editor-in-Chief for three.

“I'm fine.” She replied. “What's up?”

“Mick is bitching hard about your not being here.”

“I told him that I would be gone at least ninety days. He knows I'm dealing with personal family business. He can shove the bitching up his ass. I've given so much to his magazine at some of the darkest times of my life. He wants to be snippy now?”

OK, her smile was gone now. How dare real life invade upon her fantastic happiness?

“I know Emily, but there are whispers.” Gina said. “I thought I should at least warn you.”

“Thank you. Did you get my Editor’s Page for the September issue?” Emily asked.

“Yes. The staff thought it was witty, poignant, and insightful. That hasn’t stopped the whispers though. I know you're dealing with family stuff but you may want to get back here. Now is not the time to be out of work you know.”

Emily certainly knew that was true for the majority of people. She was not part of that majority. Some would call her a trust fund baby, which irked her since she’d been working since college. It didn’t negate the fact that both her parents were quite wealthy. Her husband also left her the majority of his wealth when he passed away.

She didn’t need a job where some prick sought to control her. She knew she was one of the lucky few. Emily was tired of Mick Rawson wielding his power like a petulant child. Still, the writing is what gave her the most joy…it wasn’t something she would throw away without care.

“I’ll be back soon.” She said.

“When?”

“I don't know, Gina, and I don’t appreciate being pressed. Are you reporting this conversation with someone?”

“Of course not.” She replied too quickly.

“Then as I said, I’ll be back soon. I'm hanging up now.”

“Goodbye, Emily.”

“Bye.”

She hung up the phone, taking a couple of deep breaths. OK, that harshed her squee. Rawson had been a thorn in her side since he bought the magazine over a year ago. It would not be a sad day when they parted ways.

Gabe always told Emily to forge her own way. He told her if she didn’t like things she had the power and strength to change them. Not all change was a bad thing. She’d already changed since returning to Newberry and it felt quite nice.

***

“Something heavy is weighing on you.” JJ said.

JJ, Penelope, and Emily drove to Bertucci’s in Manchester for a girls’ dinner. It had been three days since the phone call from Gina. Emily tried to push it out of her mind but the bubble had burst. She was crashing back to reality.

“I have to go home.” She said.

“When?” JJ asked.

“Soon. The owner of my magazine is an asshole and I need to handle some business. It’s face to face business.”

“Will you come back?” Penelope asked.

Emily smiled, reaching across the table for both of their hands.

“I'm never going to be gone for long again, I promise. I’ll be back for Labor Day weekend, then Sam’s wedding at the end of September, and Thanksgiving. I might not be here on Christmas Day but most likely will the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I don’t care if I rack up frequent flyer miles like a crazy woman.”

“What about Hotch?” JJ asked.

“What about him?”

“Well, I thought you two…it seemed like…” The normally articulate woman was at a loss for words.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much how I would describe it right now.” Emily replied.

“You're just going to walk away from him?” JJ asked.

“No, but…it’s complicated JJ. I need space and time to think. We’re not sixteen anymore. Hotch and I are both on shaky ground in our personal lives right now. I didn’t come home to fall in love. I need to make sure that every decision I make is good for the place I am in my life right now. I don’t want to tangle up feelings for home with any feelings for Hotch. Everything needs a separate box and a different set of rules.”

“You're just going to leave him?” Penelope asked again.

Emily didn’t know why but it made her laugh. She sipped her beer, sighing.

“If I'm lucky things won't implode.” She replied. “I haven’t been very lucky lately. All I can do is what I need to.”

“Just don’t sabotage it.” JJ replied. “You’ve done that sometimes too.”

“I won't deny that. I don’t plan on it this go round…hopefully. The whole point of all of this was to get back to Emily. I'm not entirely sure that I've done that. Oh hell, can we change the subject guys? Please don’t define me by my blossoming relationship with Hotch, no matter how awesome it is.”

“We’d never do that.” They both said in unison.

“Good.” Emily said, not sure she believed them. She wasn’t sure that she hadn’t been doing that herself. “Let’s get the check and then go somewhere that sells strong drinks.”

JJ nodded. She flagged the server, requesting the bill. She didn’t know what was going on. The return to New York seemed to be about loose ends. She’d known Emily Prentiss for almost three decades so she knew the sides of running quite well.

Everyone who loved her knew the return to Newberry wasn’t permanent. That didn’t mean they didn’t hold onto a little glimmer of hope. If she left for good maybe it was time to hold up to their end of the bargain. New York wasn’t Timbuktu…it was five hours away by car. Will had never been and always talked about taking baby Henry for a visit.

She and Garcia could go for as many girls’ weekends as they could handle. They would go from _Charlie’s Angels_ to _Sex and the City_. That would probably be fun. Maybe she and Penelope missed out on just as much as Emily over the past decade.

“Which _Sex and the City_ character do you think I am?” She asked her friends.

“Oh boy,” Emily laughed, finishing her beer. “Please don’t go there.”

***

“Hey Charlotte.” Hotch and Jack walked into the Newberry Police Station on Sunday evening.

He’d just come from Jessie’s house where he picked up his son. This had been Jack’s weekend with his mother in Boston. Haley only saw him every other weekend and one month in the summer. She was not happy with the custody agreement. Hotch didn’t really care about that. He wasn’t happy to come home and find his son missing.

The judge in their case wasn’t happy about that either. He told Haley she was lucky to get unsupervised visitation at all after pulling a stunt like that. Jessie agreed to play mediator on Boston weekends. It wasn’t easy for anyone involved. The Brooks sisters used to be quite close. Haley’s actions caused a strain in the whole family.

Still, every other Friday Jessie picked Jack up from Headstart and they waited for his mother. On Sunday Haley dropped him back at Jessie’s apartment on Adams Lane. The sisters managed to do this while only speaking minimally to each other. Hotch felt as if he owed Jessie so much. None of this was his fault but it surely wasn’t hers either. She went above and beyond for those she loved, as usual.

“Is Sam here?” He asked.

“Sure, Hotch. I’ll just…”

“Hotch!” Sam saw his best friend from his office and beckoned him back.

“Uncle Sam!” Jack, wearing a huge grin, bounded through the swinging gate toward his godfather.

“Captain Jack!”

Sam scooped the boy up, turned him upside down, and then spun him around. Jack let out the gleeful sounds that only four year old boys could make. Hotch smiled.

“You're getting heavy, kid.” Sam said, giving him a hug. “Soon you'll be too big to play airplane. What are they feeding you?”

“Aunt Jessie gives me cherry pie and milk.” Jack replied. “With extra whipped cream too.”

“That sounds like a good deal to me. How can I get in on that?”

“Just ask nicely and say please.”

Hotch and Sam both laughed.

“I got your message, Sam. You needed to talk to me?”

“Yeah.” Sam looked at Jack. “Jack, what do you think about spending some time spinning around in the big police chair?”

“Really?”

“As much as you want.”

“OK. Can I play with your toys too, Uncle Sam?”

Sam had a collection of comic book action figures in his office. Some of his friends laughed at him…Sam Kassmeyer was a pretty serious guy. He had few weaknesses or indulgences. That all went to hell when it came to comic books and their characters. His father got him hooked, knew his son needed a distraction from the pain of his mother’s sudden death.

It was something Mike Kassmeyer also loved as a child. Even a poor kid could be swept away into a rich world of imagination; everyone could afford a comic book. Sam would read them cover to cover, once and then again and again. He still did. He would pass the tradition on to his own son, or daughter, someday.

“You sure can.” He put Jack down on the floor. “Charlie, can you look after Jack for a few minutes?”

“It’s a pleasure.” Officer Charlotte Russet got up from her desk and followed the young boy into Sam’s office. His hand on Hotch’s shoulder, Sam led him into the interrogation room.

“Whoa, the interrogation room?” Hotch laughed nervously. “Should I call my attorney?”

“I just thought privacy might be better.”

“What's going on?”

“Emily wanted me to give this to you.” Sam handed him the envelope.

“Emily? Is she alright?” Hotch’s blood went cold. Something was wrong, he felt it; he knew it.

“She's fine. She just wanted me to give this to you.”

“Sam, tell me what's going on.”

“I didn’t want to be the messenger but…I think you should just read it.”

Hotch nodded, pulling the piece of paper from the envelope. It wasn’t too long but his stomach dropped before reading any of the words.

_Dear Aaron,  
Please don’t hate me. I know that’s not the best way to start a letter but I don’t know what else to say. I have to return to New York, there are things that really need my attention. I thought of a million ways I could say goodbye before deciding I couldn’t do it. Goodbye is too final and I don’t want that for us. I’ll be back on the Saturday before Labor Day. I need these three weeks to work on business matters. I'm not sure that my words make sense and I apologize but you have to know how I'm starting to feel about you. Something inside of me thinks you might feel the same way I do. I just need a little time to keep the cosmos from crashing down on my shoulders. I truly hope you understand and know I would never do anything to hurt you. I mean that sincerely._

_Always,  
Emily_

“Are you alright?” Sam asked. He watched Hotch’s eyes scanning over the words. It wasn’t a long letter…he had to have read it three or four times.

“Yeah,” Hotch nodded, handing it to him.

“I probably shouldn’t…”

“Please. I need to know if I'm a monumental ass or if I just need to take some deep breaths. No one can answer that better than you.”

Sam didn’t know about that. He managed a small smile before looking over the letter. He read it twice and gave it back.

“Well?” Hotch asked.

“I think you should take some deep breaths. She’s coming back.”

“So I haven’t made the biggest mistake of my life?”

“What did you do?” Sam asked.

“I may be falling…OK, I can't say love. But I think I can't say love is because it scares the hell out of me. It’s definitely something; you don’t feel this way when it’s nothing. Sam, I'm out of my element.”

“She's coming back.” Sam put his hand on Hotch’s shoulder. “I can tell from her letter that it’s something for Emily as well. I can't predict the future but I don’t see either of you doing anything but putting forth your best effort to make it work. She left a note, wanted you to know what she was thinking and feeling. I think she would’ve found a way to say goodbye if she wanted to end it.”

Hotch knew what it was like to be deserted. Haley left no word, took his child, and then sent paperwork for an uncontested divorce. Emily handled it a little differently. He couldn’t say he was happy with the events though. He was upset, sad, and confused but the fire still blazed. She would be back. She wanted Hotch to know that. She wanted him to know that she cared about him. He would take deep breaths.

“I need to get Jack home; he has school in the morning.” Hotch slipped the letter back in the envelope, folded it, and put it in his jeans pocket.

“Are you alright?” Sam asked.

“Mmm,” He nodded. “I'm sure I’ll over think this; tonight, tomorrow, and maybe Tuesday. I’ll be alright though.”

“If you need anything, you know where to find me.” Sam replied. He opened the door and they walked back into the bullpen.

“You're getting ready to be busy again. By this time tomorrow Kate will be back in town. Are you going to Logan to pick her up?”

“No, she left her car at long term parking. It was expensive but money wasn’t an issue.”

Hotch wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he just nodded. Sam and Kate would be married at the end of September. Time was moving too quickly; Hotch felt like he needed to stop it. He needed to stop a lot of things.

“C'mon Jack, time to go home.”

Jack came running out of the office, Officer Russet on his tail.

“Bye, Officer Charlie!” He exclaimed.

“See ya, Jack.”

“High five, Jack!” Sam held up his held up, grinning when Jack jumped up to hit it.

“Bye Uncle Sam.”

“When you come back I’ll have your police badge ready for you.”

“I wanna be the chief like you.” Jack replied.

“You got it, kiddo.”

Jack smiled, waving as he left the police station with his father. Sam couldn’t help but smile too. He loved the little boy as if he were his own. Sam yearned to be a father, knew it wasn’t too late. He thought that things were coming together to make that a reality soon. It was still something he and Kate needed to discuss further.

She didn’t like kids that much but had agreed to one. Sam didn’t think an only child was the best idea. Any time he tried to discuss it further, something else came up. Emily was gone and Kate was coming back. So much had changed in so little time; he didn’t know if they could all just go back to “normal”.

***

_New York is not the place of my birth but I've lived much of my life here. Technically it’s been half and half, which is rare. My childhood was spent in Newberry; my adulthood Manhattan. I felt at home, alive, from the moment I arrived here. It was as if I was always supposed to be in the Big Apple._

_The sounds and smells of New York are like no place else in the world. I love the streets of London, the cafes of Berlin, and the bustle of Madrid. On a clear day I can spend an entire afternoon on a park bench in Vienna. My favorite painting hangs in the Louvre in Paris. The best weekend bender I ever had was in Toronto. They still don’t hold a candle to New York City._

_Nothing brings me comfort like the smells of hotdogs boiling, coffee brewing, and pretzels baking. Music coming from windows high above my head in overcrowded neighborhoods is the soundtrack of my day. The essence of exhaust fumes will always overpower even the sexiest cologne. People converse, joke, argue, and even praise God in so many different languages that a walk to the grocery store feels like a walk through the halls of the UN. Central Park is one of the most magical places in the world, the Guggenheim, Morningside Heights, and the 59th Street Bridge, it’s all right here. Everything and everyone lives in a tentative peace agreement ala Begin and Sadat but it works for us._

_The place is epic in every way, for its good time and crushing blows. It has been the subject of song and film. Who can forget Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr meeting at the top of the Empire State Building or King Kong hanging off the side? I know I get a lump in my throat whenever I watch Ryan Adams’ video for New York, New York, filmed on September 9, 2001. The Twin Towers stand as a glorious backdrop to a boy and his guitar._

_I found myself here; no I was able to be myself here. I was able to be crazy, spontaneous, brilliant, and downright stupid. New York opened the door to every place I've ever been. There will always be a big place in my heart pining for this beautiful, insane, urban jungle. My relationship with Gabe is woven in the SoHo street cracks, the fallen leaves of Chelsea, and the ripples of the Hudson River._

_New York will always be in my soul…it will be my soul. No matter where I go I won't be far from 54th Street or Strawberry Fields. But there are other places for me to explore and encompass. There is a place where the trees are older than I could ever dream to be and you can wake to the smell of rain on spring mornings. There are churches, bowling alleys, and dark bars where you don’t have to be wary when someone offers to buy you a drink._

_Nevermind, you should always be wary when someone offers to buy you a drink. Newberry, New Hampshire is no longer the place of my youth, not entirely. It’s the same but different…small with the potential to be epic. It won't ever be New York but New York can't always be New York either, if that makes sense. If I think about it…_

The sound of her iPhone blaring Danzig brought Emily out of her thoughts.

“Hello, Mother.”

“I hate that cell phones totally ruin the element of surprise.” Elizabeth replied.

“I knew it was you because of my ring tone.” Emily said.

“Please don’t tell me it’s the melody from The Wizard of Oz, when Elvira Gulch rode her bicycle down the road.”

“Oh my God,” Emily laughed. “That would be hysterical.”

“No, darling, it wouldn’t be.”

“It’s not that melody, Mother, I promise. How are you feeling?”

“I'm fine. I wanted to thank you for the basket of tea. Its lovely, Emily, and there are so many flavors that I hardly have time to miss coffee.”

“You actually have Aaron Hotchner to thank.” Emily paused after saying his name. It had nearly been two weeks since she left Newberry. Everyday she fought the urge to call him. She missed the sound of his voice, his laugh, even his breathing. She missed his arms and his kisses.

This time was important; the rest would fall into place. At least she hoped that it would. She constantly wondered if Hotch wanted to call her too or if he was damning her name. “He loves tea so he recommended this great place in Manchester called The Tea Room when I told him about the situation. They have a fantastic website.”

“I wish I would’ve known that; I saw him at the police station last evening.”

“What were you doing at the police station?” Emily asked.

“The town council was meeting to go over the last of the vendor permits for the party in the park.” Elizabeth said. “I don't know what Aaron was doing there but he had his son with him. They were probably visiting Sam Kassmeyer. Jack is quite a marvel. He seems to have boundless energy and is quite intelligent. I know the last time I had lunch with Amelia she spent the whole time bragging about him. I can't really blame her…if I had a marvelous grandchild surely I would do the same.”

“Mother…” Emily warned. Her mother only knew about her first miscarriage. Emily planned to keep it that way.

“I'm just saying darling. I'm glad that Jack’s mother running off with that law school professor hasn’t ruined him too much. Amelia and I talked about that too. Jessica has done more than pick up the slack...she’s been a lifesaver. It’s a blessing in disguise really; she just never found the right man.”

“There's time, she’s only what, 33?”

“Yes. There were some rumors circulating a while back she might be a lesbian. She and Desi Morgan were leaving together and people just whispered. I never listened to that kind of gossip. It died down after Desi got married. Jessie is too…”

“Too what?” Emily asked.

“Well, I don't know. I know there are no telltale signs that people are gay or straight. Some people are in the closet their entire lives, which is quite sad. So I know what my brain is thinking but my mouth is going to stay closed so as not to possibly offend with what might be old school homophobia.”

“Your self-awareness is enviable, Mother.”

“Your sarcasm is the same, Emily.” Elizabeth said. “I really like Jessie; she's a wonderful woman. I wouldn’t care if she was gay.”

“I'm glad to hear it. How have you been feeling?”

“I feel fine. I've been doing most of what the doctor tells me. Honestly, I feel better than I have in over a year. There are days when I'm tired, and you know what, I rest. That’s a wonderful feeling. Darling who knew relaxing was so fantastic.”

“I did.” Emily replied.

“Well Dr. Barton asked about you at my last appointment. He’s single, Emily, and quite handsome.”

“There's surely a conflict in my dating your doctor.”

“Hmm…I could get a new doctor.”

“No you couldn't.” Emily laughed. “Your health is more important than my love life. I'm doing just fine.”

“You're not even 36…there is more life to live. I don’t want you to do that alone. I never really got back into the world after your father and I divorced. I regret that.”

“Then do something about it, Mother. And when I say do something I don’t mean worry about me.”

“You're my child and…”

“Mother…please. I'm fine; I have lot of friends and hobbies. I pulled my photography equipment from the top of the closet. Its time to take some pictures.”

Emily took up photography when she turned 30. It had been a hobby since she took a class as a teenager. She dabbled while traveling all over the world modeling and partying. Gabe thought she was good and gave her everything she would need to start a new career. Emily never put her all into it but she took amazing pictures.

Gabe made her first portfolio. She loved to look at it; it always made her think of him. No matter how she felt he always knew how to make her see the best in herself. That was something he and Hotch had in common.

“There are plenty of lovely places to photograph in Newberry.” Elizabeth said. “When will you be home again?”

“I’ll be there for Labor Day Weekend, I promise. I should probably go now; I'm working on a few things. I have to get it all done…it’s why I came back.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard, darling.”

“Yes Pot, Kettle promises to stop and smell the roses.”

“You're very funny.” Elizabeth smirked. “I love you, Emily.”

“I love you too, Mother. I’ll see you soon.”

***

Jessie parked her Nissan Altima behind Sam’s Mustang and got out. A long ladder led up to the roof of his house but she saw no sign of him. The front door was open so he was around somewhere.

“Sam!”

Jessie hated to shout out in the open but it didn’t disturb Peach Street much. There were people out barbecuing, gossiping, and kids playing in the street. None of that was unusual. This was one of Newberry’s toughest neighborhoods; it always had been. It calmed significantly when Sam moved home from Boston and joined the police force.

He wasn’t just an authority figure, he was someone people liked and respected. He loved mentoring the kids, coaching the baseball league, and giving swim lessons. Sam took his position as a role model seriously. So did everyone else in town.

“Sam!”

“Hey there!”

He was up on the roof waving as he looked down at her. She was dressed for the heat in denim shorts, a lavender tank top and Chucks. Her unruly blonde curls were pulled away from her face. When she saw him she smiled and he did the same.

“What are you doing up there?” Jessie asked.

“I'm checking for damage from the recent rain. Derek is coming over next weekend to help me put another coat on. I see a few trouble spots but there's been no leaking in the house yet. Hold on, I'm coming down.”

Sam started down the ladder as Jessie walked up the concrete walkway. They met at the bottom of the steps. His jovial smile remained and she just looked at him.

“What?” He asked.

“Your smile.”

“What about it?”

“I don't know,” She shook her head. “It’s not a big deal. Zoë said you were looking for me.”

“I stopped by the diner this afternoon and she said you stepped out.” Sam replied.

“I went shopping at the organic fruit markets in Manchester. Well, first I met Desi for lunch and then I went shopping. There was major girl talk to be done…we hadn’t seen each other in two weeks. What's up? I called you but got your voicemail so I came over.”

“I left my phone in the house. I didn’t think it was a good idea to attempt a chat while surveying the roof.”

“No, it wouldn’t have been.” Jessie laughed. “What's up?”

“Come into the house, I need to talk to you for a minute.”

She nodded, following him up the steps and inside the screen door. If anything needed a makeover, it was the Kassmeyer house. It was neat and clean, always, but it was like stepping into a 1950s television show. Sam surely wasn’t in a rush to replace the sufficient but old school furniture. It just made Jessie giggle. All it needed was plastic on it and it would be a perfect relic.

“This place totally looks like a man lives here.” She said.

“A man does live here.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what?” Sam teased, smiling a bit as Jessie seemed to clam up.

“Nevermind.”

“OK. I needed to talk to you about something important.”

“Right,” Jessie nodded. “OK.”

“Jessie…”

“Yes?”

“I um…” Sam cleared his throat. “Well, I um…”

“Are you alright? What's going on Sam; should I be worried about something?”

“No, no.” He shook his head, reaching for her hands. It made him feel comfortable that she didn’t reject the affection. “I just need to say it I guess.”

“I’ll start if you want me to.” Jessie volunteered.

“You'll start?”

“I can do that.” She cleared her throat. “Jessie…”

Sam laughed, her calm demeanor helping to put him at ease. He didn’t want to wait anymore; he’d already waited too long.

“Jessie, I love you.” He said.

“What?” Confusion darkened her fresh features.

“I love you. I've probably always loved you and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to, never that, I just…you're one of my best friends. I never wanted to compromise our friendship but I feel more than just friendship. I’m so in love with you and I can't hide it anymore. Who would want to hide something so magnificent?”

“Oh my God, Sam…”

She slipped her hands out of his, turning and walking toward the windows. How was it possible for her heart to soar at the same time her stomach was dropping to her feet? A whimper escaped her throat when he wrapped his arms around her. Sam held her body to his and Jessie couldn’t help but tremble.

“You're engaged to be married to someone else.” She whispered. “Why would you tell me this now? You're engaged to be married to someone else!”

She pushed him away from her and headed for the front door. She needed to get out of there and as far away from Sam Kassmeyer as possible.

“Jess, wait! Wait, listen to me. Please don’t go.”

His words stopped her but she wouldn’t turn around. She couldn’t look him in the eye. Maybe she could listen but she couldn’t look at him. Her heart was beating too fast…Jessie felt like she might actually pass out.

“Kate and I broke it off last week. I don’t love her and she doesn’t love me. I don't know what I was thinking, maybe I cared about her once but I wasn’t feeling what you're supposed to feel when you’re about to pledge your life to someone. She didn’t feel it either; the breakup was mutual.”

“Who suggested it?” Jessie asked.

This time when Sam came and put his arms around her, she didn’t fight him. She just sighed and gripped his hands. Could this really be happening?

“I did, but she readily agreed. I love you, Jess, and I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I want a houseful of rowdy Kassmeyer kids who worship the ground their mother walks on just like daddy does.”

“No way,” She replied, turning in his arms. Sam smiled when her arms slid around his neck. “My kids will not be rowdy. That’s where I have to put my foot down.”

“You're beautiful when you put your foot down.” Sam closed his eyes as he gave her Eskimo kisses. “Marry me, Jessie.”

“Sam, I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“I'm the only one that will be hurt if you say no.”

“But Kate…”

“She doesn’t love me. There's this part of me that’s angry about that but how can I be when I don’t love her. I'm angry I wasted time that could’ve been spent with you. Just tell me how you feel.”

“I…” Jessie closed her eyes. “Sam…”

“My sweet, sweet Jessie.” He stroked her face.

“I love you so much.” Tears pooled in her eyes and she laughed. “I love you, you fool.”

Their first kiss made Jessie weak in the knees. She held tight to him, moaning as Sam deepened the kiss. She never wanted it to end…breathing didn’t matter. If she died from lack of oxygen, Jessica Brooks would die a happy woman.

“I promise to never let you go.” Sam murmured against her lips. “I'm going to make you so happy, Jessie.”

“And I'm going to make you omelets.” She held his face in her hands. “Forever and ever, amen.”

He laughed, kissing her again. It was going to be hard to stop doing that. Sam took the box out of his pocket.

“Jessica Ann Brooks, will you be my wife?” Before she could answer, he went down on one knee. “I've done a lot of things wrong but I'm going to get this right.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Sam. Stupid, maybe, but I was being delusional too. It hurt so much that there were no words. I just wanted you to be happy, even if it was with someone else.”

“No one could ever come close to making me as happy as you do.”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.”

His smile lit the whole room. Bounding back onto both feet, Sam took her hand. He kissed the inside of her wrist before slipping the ring on her finger. It was a platinum ring with four half carat princess cut diamonds. Sam had it specially made at a little jewelry store in Boston; he knew it was perfect for her. It was simple, beautiful, and one of a kind like the woman herself.

“Oh my God,” Jessie didn’t know what else to say. Its beauty made her breathless. She had never been one of those girls who imagined this moment. If she had it would have gone just like this. “It’s the most beautiful ring I've ever seen.”

“I'm so glad you like it. It’s just for you.”

“I love it. I love you, Sam Kassmeyer.”

Sam wanted to devour her with kisses. Jessie let out a sound of surprise when he lifted her into his arms.

“What are you doing? Sam!”

“I'm taking you to my bed…to our bed. I'm sorry, I can't wait another minute.”

She couldn’t either; Jessie could hardly express how much she wanted him in every sense of the word. Instead she just held on and enjoyed the ride.

***

“Yes, that sounds like a great idea to me.” Emily said as she got off the elevator. “I need the extra experience and the backing doesn’t hurt either. I want to do this; I can do it. Your belief in this project really means a lot to me.”

She walked through the large lobby, pink peep toe heels clicking on the marble floor.

“This is the second half and we should act like it.” She said into the phone. Growing older and wiser is sexy…women should be encouraged and empowered by other women’s experiences. Let’s turn society on its head. Let’s embrace the grace and beauty of age. No one should feel like a school marm or an old maid at 35.”

Emily went out of the revolving door and into the stifling Manhattan sunshine. She moved over to the right of the door, rummaging through her pink Kate Spade tote bag. Finally she pulled out the cigarette case, slipping a clove between her lips.

“Need a light?”

Emily looked up when she heard the voice. Aaron Hotchner stood in front of her holding a sterling silver lighter. He was dressed in black slacks; she thought he might own a closet full. He also wore his usual spiffy shoes, a light blue button down shirt, and no tie. He looked fantastic…a sight for sore eyes.

“What?” Emily asked, her phone call drawing her back in. “No, darling, I'm still here. I am on board with this project 100%, Erin. This is the where we need to go. I have to take another phone call but we’ll chat after the holiday. Lunch sounds lovely actually.

“No, not Gina…she decided to stay with the magazine.” Emily laughed. “Those were my thoughts exactly. There are big changes coming and I need big minds. No darling, I won't be in The Hamptons this year. I did get Diddy’s invitation, yes. Sean and I have been friends for years but there are other considerations when I declined. Alright, yes darling…goodbye.” Emily touched her iPhone, ended the call, and just looked at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm blatantly disobeying your wishes.” He replied.

“Surprisingly I'm not finding myself as peeved about that as I would usually be.”

Emily threw her arms around Hotch, giving him a big hug. He held her close and inhaled. She had a few different perfumes that she wore but Vera Wang Sheer Veil was his favorite. It smelled like summer in New Hampshire. Maybe he was biased but it was the sweetest smell on Earth. He whispered into her hair how much he missed her. The words made Emily grip him tighter.

“I thought you might hate me.” She said, slipping away from him. “I went over and over it in my mind, Hotch, and I just wasn’t sure I’d done the right thing. I left the note because after all you'd been through leaving without word would’ve been an unforgivable offense. I just didn’t want to say goodbye…maybe that makes me a coward.”

“You are not a coward, Emily. I read the letter a million and one times. I tried to put myself in your shoes; I did my best to understand. Sometimes I actually did. I knew you had to leave eventually. I just thought I might have more time to convince you to stay.”

“I need you to know that what was happening between us wasn’t the cause of my leaving. I really did need to tie up plenty of loose ends. I couldn’t hide in Newberry forever; I had to face things and resolve them. I've left the magazine…I'm ready to move on. I have a few ideas of what's ahead but I also just want more time to breathe. I did plan to come back for Labor Day and Sam’s wedding…”

“Oh my God, Sam.” Hotch said.

“What happened to Sam? Is he alright?”

“He's wonderful actually. He's the one who told me to give off my ass and come to New York. There has been a slight change of wedding plans.”

“What?” Emily asked.

“He’s still getting married on October 3rd. He’s just not marrying Kate Joyner.”

“Oh thank God. Is it Jessie; is he going to marry Jessie?”

“Yeah.” Hotch nodded.

“That’s fantastic! I know it’s a hell of a story.” She grinned. “I want to hear all about it. I am so happy for them. My mother must be ecstatic.”

“Why is your mother so happy?”

“We’ll have to exchange stories. You'll tell me all about Sam and Jessie and I’ll tell you about my mother’s turn at playing Dolly Levi.”

“Everything with Sam got me thinking. No, it was before that; I've been battling with these feelings for some time now. I want you to come home, Emily.”

“What?”

“I want you to come back to Newberry to stay.” He put his arms around her. “I know we’re a little town and you're a cosmopolitan city girl now. I also know I’ll never be Mr. Big but…”

“Mr. Big? I don’t want that, Hotch; you should know that by now. First of all it’s a walking cliché. Secondly, I refuse to live my life anymore as if it’s some scripted dramedy…even if it’s scripted by someone as awesome as Darren Star. I want reality with all its imperfections, karaoke nights, and leaky living room windows.”

“Will you come home?” He asked. “I miss you every single day. I picked up the phone to call a million time but I didn’t. Respecting your space was so important to me, it is important. What you want is just as meaningful as what I want. I thought I might have been moving too fast, pushing too hard.

“You didn’t come back to Newberry to start a new relationship. I know you're still mourning Gabe and…I'm just crazy about you. I probably have been since you flicked that bowling ball. You’re a breath of fresh air and I don’t know the last time I breathed. You fill my lungs, Emily, you fill me. I want every chance to nurture this and make it something wonderful.”

“I'm not perfect, Hotch.” Emily replied firmly. “I need to say that upfront. I am so far from perfect its ridiculous. I hurt the people I love, I do stupid things. I'm a workaholic, sometimes I smoke too much. When things are hard I’d rather walk away than work at them. I…”

“Stop.” He put his finger on her lips. “I think you're too hard on yourself. I know you're not perfect; I don’t want you to be. I've been there, done that with the perfect relationship. I lived in an illusion for 20 years and I'm never going to do that again. You’re real, I care about you, and having you five hours away has been nothing short of agony.”

“I don’t want to be five hours away either.”

Hotch’s face broke out in a grin. That grin grew when Emily hugged him again. Holding onto her brought him such joy but it was hard to find the words. Sam said something to him the other day about Jessie that came close. She fits perfectly inside the corners of me.

Hotch knew by now that nothing was perfect. Everything had bumps, bruises, and dark places. Even something this awesome would. Thinking about the reality of loving Emily made him happier than any fantasy ever could.

“So you’ll come with me?” He asked.

“No, I’ll just come. I need to establish myself before I commit to letting someone else in.”

“What does that mean?”

“I was talking with Erin Strauss; she's a big name in the magazine publishing world. With her full support, I'm about to venture out on my own. I'm full of ideas, so is she, and we can both afford to put our money where our mouths are. I resigned from Chic as soon as I got back to Manhattan. I should've done it a long time ago. I'm ready for the next chapter. You're a part of that next chapter, Aaron, but you aren’t all the words.”

“How many words am I?” he asked, kissing her nose.

“We have a lot to talk about.” Emily smiled, taking both of his hands. “Are you hungry?”

“I'm starving. I drove and didn’t stop for anything. I figured you would know all the good places in the city to eat.”

“I certainly do. You are in for a treat, Aaron Hotchner.”

“I bet. I also made plans for John and Marcia to keep Jack overnight. I thought New York City might be a big experience and I would need a little extra time.”

Emily slipped her hand in his as they started walking down the street. Midtown Manhattan was as crowded as usual but Emily felt like she and Hotch were on their own island. This was still the giddy stage…her feelings hadn’t diminished one bit. She wondered how long this would last; Emily wanted to hold onto it with both hands. She wanted to hold onto him.

“Where are you taking me?” Hotch asked when they stopped at a red light.

“I'm not quite sure. There are probably a million places to choose from but I can only think of one.”

“Where’s that?”

“Home.” She replied, kissing him.

That was exactly what he wanted to hear. He’d read her letter so many times, drifting from hope to doubt and experiencing everything in between. Hotch certainly had no intent of falling in love with anyone, least of all Emily Prentiss. But he stopped lying to himself soon after she left…it was something very special. Being with her was a chance at real happiness.

It didn’t happen with Haley and the results left him scarred. Emily had scars too. He’d seen them with his own eyes, touched them, and she’d done the same to his. They weren't perfect but that didn’t mean they weren't perfect for each other. Not just any woman could get him to surrender to the need to kiss her on one of the busiest street corners in the world.

“Perhaps you know a great place that delivers.” Hotch whispered in her ear as he held her close. They hadn’t moved a muscle; people were walking around them.

“Mmm, that sounds perfect.” Emily held out her hand. “Taxi!”

***


End file.
